Think with your heart
by leonardocinisi
Summary: Logan was always getting lost in his head, but when he is forced to take a creative writing class, will this class and a certain blonde show Logan a new way of thinking
1. Just a name

**This is my first fanfic. I am sure there are lost of grammar mistakes, but oh well. I like writing and i thought I'd share this to get some opinions, so please read and review.**

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><p>I woke up to my alarm blaring at 6:30am. I groaned as I rolled over to shut off the alarm and pulled my blanket over my head, wishing I didn't have to get up. Today was my first day of senior year, and I was looking forward to it. I only wished it didn't have to start so early in the morning. A knock came from my door and then I heard my mother's voice say "Get up Logan, James will be here soon and I don't want you being late on your first day." I just laid there not moving for a couple more minutes hoping my mom would leave me alone, I should of known better. All of a sudden my door was slammed open and the blanket being ripped off of me. "Get up now Logan or I swear to God i will drag you out of that bed myself." I sighed as my mom left, leaving me lying on my bed in nothing, but red boxer briefs and thinking maybe I wasn't the only one in the house who hated mornings.<p>

Fifteen minutes later I was downstairs, showered, and eating breakfast with my mom and dad. " All right i'm off to work" said Mr. Mitchell as he kissed his wife goodbye and gave me a smile and a pat on the back. "Are you excited to start your senior year?" my mom asked. "Yeah I can't wait to start all my new classes it should be a good year" " How about clubs Logan or maybe even a date. You don't want to leave high school with only memories of studying do you? There must be some boy in that school that you can go out with." I sighed I was glad my parents accepted me when I came out the beginning of sophomore year, but I wish that my mom would leave the dating thing alone. " I told you mom no dating while in a catholic school it would cause too much drama and unnecessary stress, plus it would distract me some my studies" Mrs. Mitchell sighed as she listened to her son. He was a good, kind, and loving person and she knew that he would make someone very happy if he only would step out of his head every now and again.

The door bell rang and I knew it was James here to take him to school. "bye mom, love you." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and went outside and got in James' car. He had a big smile on his face as i got in. "What are you so happy about?" I asked. "What do you think logan its our senior year, the hockey team has never been better, and I am finally going to ask Jo out today" I couldn't help but smile at James. He has been my best friend since I moved in around the block from him in the third grade. He was also on of the few people who knew I was gay, I told him after my parents things were a little awkward for a while, but things got back to normal pretty quickly. He thinks having a gay best friend is perfect. "Less competition for the ladies" as he puts it. "So its a good plan right Logan? Logan?" I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my name. " Sorry were you saying something" James rolled his eyes at my question. "You know Logan you will have to stop living in that head of yours" I gave him a smirk and punched him in the arm as we pulled into the school parking lot. "Ok as i was saying I'm going to ask Jo out today. We've been talking for the past month and i think she likes me so I'm just going to suck it up and do it." "Good so you can stop obsessing about her and leave me alone about it" I said with a sarcastic tone. James was about to respond when all of a sudden a short brunette girl launched herself and wrapped his arms around him in a hug. "Camille" I screamed. "Can't...breathe" is all James could get out with Camille's death hug grip. She let go of James and went to give me one. I put my hands up in defense. "It's great to see you Camille, but I like breathing so how about a small hug" She gave me a quick hug as James got his breathing back to normal. "Its so good to see you two again, sorry I didn't call I got in late last night from LA and thought I would surprise you guys here." Camille had spent the summer in LA with her dad, a movie producer. Camille is my other best friend and the last person I told my secret to. She was excited to spend the summer with her dad, she always wanted to be an actress. " so it was awesome" I said as we walked to the office to get our schedules for the semester. "Yes i definitely want to move there with my dad when I finish high school and try to become a real actress"

We walked into the office to retrieve their schedules. "Logan, good you're here can you come into my office with me we need to discuss something." I turned around to see the vice principal. Ms. Wainwright standing there. "Sure" I said not sure what we needed to talk about. I looked at my friends and they shrugged their shoulders and told me to go. I walked into the office and sat in the chair across from her. "You're not in trouble Logan, we just need to discuss you're schedule for this year." "I know I took a lot of AP classes, but i swear i can handle it." " Its not that Logan, due to schedule conflicts you're AP Biology class was moved from fifth period to third period." "Ok" I said not quite understanding what the problem was. "Well you see we only offer AP class one period a day, for example you AP calc class is only offered during first period and your AP History class is only offered fourth period because so few students take those class we only need one class period for them" Logan just nodded, because he already knew this. "So since now that AP Biology is only offered third period we have to move your senior english class to fifth period only there is no senior english during fifth period." I was happy this meant no stupid english classes, which I hated. "Cool then ill take an art class or something that period." Ms. Wainwright shook her head. "you need four years of english credits to graduate and that brings us to why we are having this meeting. The only class offered fifth period that can count as an english credit is Creative Writing and Poetry." I let this sink in, I hated normal english how was he ever going to survive a class where you have to make things up and understand meaning behind phrases. " Are you sure this is no other way to do this" Ms Wainwright shook her head. " The only other option would be to drop AP Biology and take senior english third period, but i know you want to be a doctor and AP Biology looks really good on a med school application." I was torn, because i really wanted to take AP Bio and i really don't want to take a creative writing class. I sighed knowing what I had to do. " I'll take the stupid writing class." Ms Wainwright smiled and handed logan his schedule." Good luck," was all she said as i got up and left her office.

When I walked out of the office James and Camille ran up to me and started asking a million questions. I just ignored them and started walking to my locker with them close behind still begging to hear what happened. When i got to my locker i opened it and started to put my stuff in, but I could feel that they were both starring daggers at me. "Fine, to make a long story short there was a scheduling conflict and I have to take a creative writing class" They both gasped in unison. "What," I said. "Logan don't take this the wrong way, but you suck at anything to do with writing or english," said Camille. "I got through english for 11 years with all A's how could I do that if i suck at english?" I stated smugly. James answered, "Thats because you always took easy english classes where you had to find things in sentences, like phrases and stuff, which is like a puzzle to you so you were good at it. Those classes had papers that were about real topics you could research and learn about. This class will be about coming up with fiction and find deeper meanings in lines, and you definitely are a surface meaning kind of guy." Not sure if I was just complimented or insulted, I shrugged my shoulders and said " I'll learn to be deep or whatever I mean they can't fail you when you make stuff up right?" " I don't know if you can learn that stuff Logan, you either have it or you don't, " said Camille. James then chimed in and said, "Remember eighth grade when you gave a ten minute speech about how the poem Roses and red Violets are blue, was untrue and shouldn't be taught is school." " I was right about that it makes no sense, violets are the color violet and not all roses are red. It should have said Some roses are red and violets are a shade of blue then it would have made sense." "This is what i mean the arts are about the meaning behind the words, you have to look deeper to discover what is trying to be communicated to you." said Camille. "That's stupid if you want to say something just say it why to to hide it in stupid rhymes and metaphors?" My two friends shook there head at this in defeat. "Look i"m in the class and there is nothing that can be done about it let's just get through the day," I said.

The rest of the day went by smoothly and next thing i knew i was sitting in the cafeteria with James and Camille with only five minutes left in lunch. I was talking to Camille when she asked,"So you have english next, are you nervous?" "Not really its only the first day i'm sure we'll just go over the class rules and the syllabus." "I gotta go tell the hockey team that coach wants a quick meeting after school, be back in a sec,"said James as he got up. The hockey team always sat together , except for James, he always sat with us. I had a feeling he wanted to sit with his teammates, but never did because he didn't want to leave me and Camille by ourselves. I looked over at the table as James walked up to it and that is when I noticed a blonde guy sitting at the table talking to a latino looking guy. I couldn't look away from him, he was beautiful, never have I ever seen someone like him. I saw him nod to what James said, and then as James was walking away he looked over at out table and our eyes met. The second their eyes met I felt something go through my body, like a feeling of pure happiness I never wanted it to end. He broke the connection and the feeling faded, but i couldn't look away from him, I wanted to feel like that again. He suddenly got up and ran out of the cafe, I got up to follow, but the bell rang and I lost him in the mess of people. "What are you doing?" said a voice. "Huh" I turned to see Camille and James behind me. "Camille said you were quiet the whole time I was gone and when i got back you suddenly got up and started to leave without even a word" I stood there for a second, I hadn't even thought about my friends all I wanted was to see him again and maybe even talk to him. "Sorry I just got lost in my head again I guess" They both gave me questioning looks, but let it go. As I walked to English I couldn't get him out of my head. He must be on the hockey team, because he was sitting with them so that means James knows him. I could ask James about him, but then he'll want to know why i'm asking and I'm not even sure why I wanted to know. "This is ridiculous," I thought. "One look shouldn't have this effect of someone it just hormones going crazy i'm sure i'll forget all about him within the next hour and all this worrying will have been for nothing." Happy that I found the solution to my problem I took a deep breath and headed towards english class.

As I walked in everyone was already seated and they were all staring at me. "Logan can I help you with something," said Ms. Nap. I was glad she was teaching this class I had her as a teacher, she taught in my other english classes and was super nice. No, actually I'm in this class." "Oh," she said, giving me a puzzled look. I walked over to her and handed her my schedule. She looked at it and said " All right then take a seat, class is about to begin" I looked around the classroom. The tables in the room were big enough that two people sat at them, I looked around and the only seat available was at an empty table at the back of the room. I went and sat down as the bell rang. " At least I don't have to share the table with someone," I thought. Ms Nap called the class to order. "Welcome to Understanding and Creative writing. In this class I will teach you to not only become better writers, but to become betters readers as well. Now." She was cut off when the door opened and a panting boy ran into class, and not just any boy, the blonde from the cafeteria. When I saw him that feeling came back over me and I had the sudden urge to just be near him, get to know him, and to find out everything about him. I shook that feeling away its was insane to think that about someone I only saw twice my life. " Sorry Ms Nap my locker wouldn't open." "Its fine just take a seat" He nodded and started to look around the room, and when he saw the only seat available was next to me he froze. I could of sworn I saw fear in his eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came. He walked down the aisle and sat next to me, but never looked at me of even acknowledged my existence. Ms. Nap handed out the syllabus and went over the rules for the class, I was only half listening, how could I concentrate when he was sitting there, right next to me.

With twenty minutes left in class Ms. Nap told us we would be doing a little exercise to show us what the class would be about. "I am going to give each table a slip of paper with a quote from a famous play, story, or poem. You and your table partner are to work together and tell me the meaning behind the line. This way I can gauge where your comprehension skills are, which will give me a better idea of where to start." Ms Nap walked around the class with a bowl full of slips of paper and each table took one out, since I was at the last table I got the last slip of paper from the bowl. It said " _A rose by and other name smells just as sweet._"- William Shakespeare Romeo & Juliet. I had heard this quote before and an idea of what it meant, but wasn't one hundred percent sure. I turned and handed him the piece of paper to him and when he took it our fingers touched and I felt a spark of electricity coarse through my body, but he acted like nothing happened. He took the piece of paper and read it. He then took out his notebook and started to write. " Hey shouldn't we discuss this before we just write down whatever pops into our head." He just shook his head, and continued to write. I wasn't sure what to do, he wasn't going to talk to me and I couldn't just let this guy do my work for me and possibly ruin my grade, no matter how hot he is. He stopped writing, put his pen away, and was about to get up and turn the paper in, but before he could I snatched the notebook from his hand and started to read.

_"A rose by any other name will smell just as sweet"- William Shakespeare. This quote is probably the most famous from Romeo & Juliet. The obvious meaning is that a name doesn't mean anything, its just a name and you can't know something from just knowing the name of it. We believe the meaning goes much deeper than the obvious interpretation. We believe that it means that names shouldn't even exist in the world, because people associate stereotypes with names. You hear someone is a certain color or religion and you automatically have assumptions of that person without even getting to know them. Shakespeare is trying to say that in order to truly understand something or someone you have to experience it yourself. You can't rely on other people's ideas of things, if you truly want to know how something is than you need to get up and experience it. Relying on the names of things to determine its wealth will only lead to tragedy._

I didn't know what to say, what he had written was amazing and he had come up with it in a matter of minutes. Even if i had days i knew i would never be able to write something like that. "That was amazing I." He snatched the notebook from me and ripped out the piece of paper and walked up to Ms. Nap and handed it in. He sat back down without saying a word to me. Why was he acting like this, I never did anything to him, I didn't even know his name. " I'm sorry if I did something to offend you, but what you wrote was amazing. What's your name?" He didn't answer, he just sat there looking down at his book. The bell rang and he went to get up, but I grabbed his arm."Please just tell me your name." I needed to know his name, I needed to put a name to that gorgeous face I couldn't stand not knowing for a second longer. He stared at my hand on his arm and said "Kendall." He shook my hand loose and ran from the room. "Kendall," I whispered.

I sat down, next to James, in study hall. "Hey so you know Kendall, I think he plays hockey here." "Yeah, I sort of know him, he plays of the team, but doesn't talk to anyone, except for Carlos, why?" " I have him in English and I got the impression that he doesn't like me very much" "Don't think too much into it everyone gets that vibe from him." said James. I pondered what James said as I started to work on my Calc, but I knew there was something else. The way he acted, as if he was angry at me, I never even seen him before today, I shouldn't even care. Yet, here I am thinking about him, smiling, and wondering if he was thinking about me too.


	2. Survive

**Here is chapter 2. This is Kendall's P.O.V of the first day and the first time he meets logan.**

**I want to say thanks to HatersHateRushersElevate for the writing advice, I tried to follow it to the best of my ability.**

**Anyway please read and review**

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><p>My alarm went off at 6:30, I rolled over and shut it off. I had been awake for the past half hour just laying here. I was always a morning person, especially when my mom was alive. My dad and sister always slept in so mornings were for me and my mom. We would spend the morning together talking and making breakfast, these were some of my best memories. Days like today were days I really missed her, its my first day of senior year and we would have gotten up early and talked about how excited I was or what I was going to do this year. Instead, I'm here lying in bed, dreading having to get up, possibly face my father, and go to school.<p>

I got up and walked across the hall to Katie's room. I knocked, waited a few seconds, and then went in. She was asleep, as usual, so I shook her until she woke up.

"What do you want Kendall? I'm trying to sleep here." she said groggily.

"Time to get up, we have to leave for school in thirty minutes, you don't want to be late for your first day of high school do you?" She slowly sat up and went into her bathroom to shower. I left her room and was heading to the hall bathroom, when my father walked out of his room.

"Morning," he said. He never looked up from his phone. I didn't respond, just tried to walk by him without him saying anything else to me. "I have to work late tonight so don't wait up for me"

"Work late, yeah if sitting on a bar stool drinking yourself stupid is what he considered work, then yes you will be working late tonight." I thought.

"Make sure Katie gets to school on time and gets to her classes." he said still never looking me in the eye.

"Don't worry I always take care of Katie." I responded stressing the I part. He just nodded, clearly not listening to what I said. He turned around and walked down the stairs, I heard the front door open and close and then he was gone. Our relationship has been like this ever since mom died, just quick conversations where he never looks at me. When mom died he went into a huge spiral of depression, not caring that his two kids just lost their mom, only caring that he just lost his wife. Then there was the Incident, and after that he turned to the booze. He was usually never a bad drunk he would just came home around two or three in the morning and leave us alone, but there were times when he got so drunk he would turn violent, like that night. He never cared about what happened that night, about how it left me scars that I still feel to this day, that It made me unable to make new friends, that it made me unable to ever fall in love again. It made me keep my secret so close to me that no one not even my best friend knew, only my sister knew. She knew that I was gay.

Twenty minutes later me and Katie were eating breakfast at the table in silence. " Are you sure Carlos will be here, you know he can be flaky sometimes."

"Don't worry about it Katie, he will be here." Then my phone went off and I saw a text from Carlos. "See," I said, he is already here. We both got up, put our bowls in the dishwasher, and went outside to meet Carlos.

"What up Knights," said Carlos " Are we excited to start school, cause I am. I feel like I'm going to explode from excitement".

I really did think he was going to explode, he was bouncing up and down talking a mile a minute, but all I could do was smile at him and get into the car.

Carlos and I have been friends since my mom had died. He lives about two blocks down from us and one day about one week after my mom died I was sitting on the front porch crying. All of a sudden three boys ran by and a few seconds later a smaller boy was running by trying to catch up with the older three. He stopped when he noticed me crying, he then ran up to me and gave me a hug and said "I'm sorry for what ever is making you sad, but do you want to play tag with me and my brothers, it always cheers me up when I'm sad." So I played and from that moment on we became best friends. I went to his house whenever I felt sad or lonely. I spent a week at their house after the incident, but he was awesome he never bothered me with questions, he only said "When you're ready to talk about it I'm here." After that week I begged my dad to send me to school with Carlos, so I could have a fresh start, he agreed and since then he's been my only friend.

"Hockey is going to be great this year. We have an awesome team and with James as caption we are definitely going to go undefeated." said Carlos

I agreed, I like hockey, but I only joined the team because of my father my heart was never really in it. We pulled up to school and got out of the car. I looked around and saw some familiar faces, then I saw James walking, with his back to me, and a shorter black haired guy with him. I didn't see the shorter guys face, but something about him kept my eyes locked on him until they walked into the school.

"You ok there big brother?" I heard Katie asked.

"Yeah," I said shaking my head and forgetting about that guy. "Just thinking that I only have one more year at this place."

We walked into school and headed to the office to get our schedules. Once we got them I went and showed Katie where he locker was and where her first few classes were.

"Ok, now stay with Carols until the warning bell rings and then go to class. I have to go see Ms Wainwright about college stuff. Don't be scared, its ok if your a bit nervous on your first day." She gave me a look and I laughed. " Right my baby sister isn't afraid of anything. I'll meet you at Carlos' car after school." I then left her there and headed to the office.

I went to the office, I was jammed with late kids trying to grab there schedules and locker assignments before the bell. I managed to squeeze and and talk to the receptionist.

"Hi I'm Kendall Knight and I need to speak with Ms. Wainwright."

"Yes she said she was waiting for you, have a seat she is with another student at the moment, but she should be done very soon." she said.

I tried to find a seat, but there were too many people in the office. I heard Ms. Wainwright's door open and her saying "Good luck" as a student dashed out of there. I ran to her office and shut the door behind me, glad to be out of that mess.

"Kendall, nice to see you, how was your summer?" she asked with a smile on her face.

"It was ok, but how yours, you did you get the application to Juliard?" I asked.

"Yes and I was looking over it and it seems you would be a good candidate for the school, except in one aspect. They want you to submit a video of you performing one of your works of music to a live audience."

"What," I said. "I'm a songwriter, not a performer"

"Well you can send in the application without the performance, but I would highly recommend doing it, if you truly want to get in." she said.

I nodded, thanked her, took the application, and left the office. I heard the warning bell ring and wondered what else the day had in store for me.

The rest of the day went by without a hitch, and next thing I knew I was sitting in the cafe next to Carlos with only a few minutes left in lunch.

"Dude you need to just suck it up and do it. I mean its only one performance, right? And I don't care what you say your songs are amazing, your voice is excellent, and you can play the guitar really well. I am telling you just find some random cafe or something, play a short quick song, and have someone record you."

I nodded at what Carols said, I could do that pick some random place where no one knows me and play a quick song and be done with it and one my way to Juliard. " Ok, but you have to help me find a place, and you have to be the one to record it." Carlos smiled broadly, nodded, and then stuffed an obscene amount of food into his mouth.

James then came over to our table and said " Hey guys, coach wants to have a quick meeting after school so meet in the locker room ten minutes after school" We all nodded and James turned and walked away, and I watched him as he walked away.

He always sat at a different table and I wondered where he sat all the time. As he headed back to his table I noticed the short black haired boy from early was sitting at the table James was walking towards and then our eyes met. I suddenly was lost in those chocolate eyes and I felt nothing but happiness throughout my body. I quickly broke the connection and started to panic. I knew this feeling from one other time, though it wasn't anywhere near as intense as it just was, I couldn't let this happen again.

"You ok dude, you look like you are in shock or something." Carlos said.

"Fine, I just need to go to the bathroom, I'll see you at the meeting." I then ran out of the cafe and just when I got out the bell rang, so I dashed into the nearest bathroom and locked myself in one of the stalls. I couldn't let this happen. I can't allow myself to fall for someone, not after last time and not while my dad was still in my life. "I can't do this." I told myself. After a few minutes I calmed down. I have never even seen this guy before, so odds all I'll only see him during lunch and I can deal with that. I then heard the bell ring, "Crap," I muttered. I was late and Ms. Nap usually doesn't like people to be late to her class. I unlocked the stall and ran to class.

I approached the classroom and ran inside panting. Ms. Nap looked at me with a puzzling look. "Sorry Ms. Nap," I said " My locker wouldn't open." I was surprised how easily the lie came to me.

"Its fine, just take a seat," she said.

I was glad she wasn't mad. I looked around the room for a seat and spotted one in the back of the class I was about to go there until I noticed who was sitting in the seat next to it. I couldn't believe it. "Why me," I thought as I walked to the seat and sat down next to him. I didn't know what to do, he was sitting right next to me, how was I supposed to avoid him now that I was going to sit next to him for an hour everyday for the rest of the school year?

The class went on and Ms. Nap talked about the class and what it was about and what she expected. I didn't pay attention, I already knew what this class was about I was really excited to take it when I heard about it. Secondly, I couldn't possibly pay attention with him right next to me, taking diligent notes and looking as cute as a button while doing it. The class was almost over when explained the little project we would be doing together.

"you and your table partner to work together" I heard Ms. Nap say.

Now I knew everyone in this place was trying to kill me slowly. If we worked together then we would have to talk, which would lead to getting to know each other, and possibly me falling madly in love with this adorable black haired boy next to me. So I am going to try my hardest to say very little to him and hope he takes the hint and leaves me alone.

Ms. Nap walked around with the quotes and I saw him pull the last one out and read it. He then turned towards me and offered me the piece of paper. Our fingers touched and I felt a jolt of electricity run through my body, but i pretended not to feel it. I needed to be strong if i was going to survive this year. I then turned my focus to the slip of paper and read it, I smiled, this was an easy one. I pulled out my notebook and began to write

"Wait shouldn't we discuss this before we just write down whatever pops into our heads." He said to me

I loved the sound of his voice it was the best thing I have ever heard in my life, but he asked me a question and I couldn't just ignore him, could I? So I decided just to shake my head, cause I don't think I could actually talk to him. He then got quiet while I was writing down the answer. I didn't want to look at him, but the silence and not knowing what he was doing was driving me mad, so I took a quick glance. He had his head straightforward and there was no life in his eyes, it looked like he was in a coma or something. I took this as my chance, I finished the answer and got up to turn it in. Suddenly it was grabbed out of my hand and I looked over and he was reading it.

"That was amazing I.."

I took the notebook back and tore out the piece of paper and walked up to Ms. Nap to turn it in.

He was about to give me a compliment, and I knew that I couldn't handle that I would have broke down and started to talk to him. I handed the paper to Ms. Nap and turned around to go sit back down. I sat down and he stared talking again.

"I'm sorry if I did something to offend you, but what you wrote was amazing, What's your name?" he asked.

"My name, well my name is Kendall, but I think I'm going to change it to The world screws me over, I believe it better suits my life." I thought sarcastically.

The bell rang and I went to get up before he grabbed my arm and said "Please just tell me your name" I looked down to where he was holding me and I just loved the feeling of him touching me and thats when I broke down.

"Kendall," I said as I yanked my arm free and ran from that class. I sat down in the back of my next class, religion, and thought about what I just did. I gave him my name, now he was going to want to talk more and he was going to say my name with that beautiful voice and I really screwed myself I sat there depressed for most of the class until I thought, "whats done is done I can't change the past so lets just survive until tomorrow and see what happens."

The last two periods went by pretty quickly and I then went to the meeting for hockey. I sat there and listened to the coach talk, but I wasn't paying attention I was too busy thinking about him. Suddenly everyone got up and was leaving, I got up too until someone yelled my name.I turned around and saw James walking over to me.

"Hey Kendall, can I talk to you for a minute."

"Sure," I said, not sure what he wanted, we never really talked before.

"Its about Logan"

"Who," I asked.

"Logan, you know short, black hair, sits next to you in English"

"Logan, so thats his name" I thought.

" What about him," I asked James, trying to act nonchalant.

" Well he thinks you don't like him could you maybe just tell him your shy or something, otherwise he'll obsess about it all the time"

He thinks about me is all I really got out of that sentence. "yeah sure, no problem"

"Thanks," he said with a smile.

He started to walk away and I couldn't help myself there was something about Logan I wanted to know since English. "Actually James I have a question about him"

He turned around and said " Ok, shoot."

"Well at one point during the class, we were working on a project and he suddenly got all quiet and it looked like he went into a coma or something. Is that normal behavior for him?"

He chuckled "yeah thats Logan, don't worry about that he just gets lost in that big brain of his every now and again"

"Ok," was all I could say. James walked away and I realized what had just happened. I had learned two things about him now and I thought both his name and the way he got lost in his thoughts was adorable. I was now falling harder for him, I screwed myself over again.

"Maybe I should change my name to, "I screw myself over", instead of, "The world screws me over." I thought, as I walked out of the school and over to Carlos's car, ready for this day to be over.


	3. Learning things

It has been a month since school began and I've found myself in a routine. I get up in the morning, breakfast with the parents, off to school for the day, home to do homework, dinner with the parents, and then either more homework or read a medical book. Sometimes, James or Camille will come over to study and on a rare occasion get me to get out of the house and do something with them. This is pretty much the routine I've had my whole life, except this time one thing is different, Kendall.

I can't stop thinking about him. Every morning the first thing I think of when I wake up is him. I stare at him all the time when I see him in the halls or at lunch. During English I barely pay attention, which is so unlike me, because all I can focus on is the blonde sitting next to me. My parents and friends have noticed that something is off with me, but I keep telling them that its nothing and I'm not sure how much longer they are going to believe me.

I was sitting at our table during lunch on Friday, staring at Kendall. Suddenly a piece of food hit me in the face. " What was that for?"

"You're doing it again." said James

"Doing what," I asked.

"I'm not sure. I know how you look when you get lost in your head, but this look is different, you keep having this weird smile on your face, its kind of creepy"

" I agree with James whats up with you lately. You haven't been acting like yourself, its like something is constantly on your mind"

I considered telling my friends about Kendall, I knew I could trust them. I just didn't really know what my feeling were for Kendall. Luckily, I didn't have to answer because Jo walked up to our table. James nearly fell out oh seat when he saw her. I was looking at his face while Jo was walking up and wondered if thats how goofy I look like when I'm staring at Kendall.

" Hey James, you have you first hockey game a week from tomorrow right?' Jo asked

"Yeah, we have a game in a tomorrow from a week, I mean not a tomorrow from a week that makes no since right?" said James with a nervous laugh. He was getting flustered and his cheeks were turning red.

I couldn't control the laugh that came out of me, but I quickly put my hand over my mouth when James gave me a look that would scare even the toughest of men.

Jo just laughed and said, "Ok I'll see you then"

"Wait. I'm having a small party at my house after the game, you can come if you want."

"Sure sounds like fun," and with that she turned and walked away.

James then turned to me and said "what the hell was that laugh for?"

I was about to respond when Camille starting laughing so hard she fell off of her chair and landed on the floor.

"That was" she started to laugh again. "That was so" another round of giggles stopped her. She then took a big breathe, had a few more laughs, and then she slowly got back up and sat down.

James was so red that I thought he might explode. " It wasn't funny, she probably thinks I'm the biggest idiot on the planet and Logan laughing during the conversation didn't help at all"

"I'm sorry," I said. " I don't have Camille's willpower, cause that was too funny, not to laugh. Besides I thought you were going to ask her out a month ago?"

" I was, but I kept getting too nervous, and I thought I just did ask her out"

"Not really you invited her to a party, you didn't ask her to be your date to the party." said Camille.

"Is there a difference?"

"Yes, idiot you invited her as a friend not a girlfriend, so if you want to go out with her I would ask her on a real date, not some party."

James huffed and went back to eating his lunch. I then looked over at Kendall again, he was eating a sandwich and talking to Carlos and I had the sudden urge to know what he was talking about. I had these all the time, I just wanted to know everything about him and to constantly be with him. I had no idea if this was normal or if was I some kind of crazy stalker freak. I looked at my two friends, they both have had crushes, James just made a fool of himself in front of his, and I knew they would never judge me.

"Guys, how do you know if you have a crush on someone? I mean how do you act around them?"

They looked at each other and then Camille said " Why do you want to know?"

"Well," I said lowering my voice. "I think I have a crush on someone and I want to know if what I'm feeling is normal or creepy"

They both got big smiles on their faces and said " Oh my God," together.

"I knew something was up with you, who is it, you have to tell me." said Camille

"Wait, what do you mean how it feels to be around them. What exactly are you feeling Logan?" asked James.

I sighed. " When I'm around him I feel happy, almost like I'm soaring through the air. I think about him all the time. I constantly stare at him and want to be near him. I want to know everything there is to know about him."

They both nodded their heads " That's pretty normal," said James.

"Good, now lets drop this, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going crazy stalker on him or anything." I said.

" Oh hell no," said Camille. "You are not leaving this seat until we know who it is, now spill"

I looked at James for support, but was surprised to find that he had the same look on his face as Camille.

"Sorry buddy, but I got to know who made Logan Mitchell, king of logic and brain thinkers, listen to his heart for once."

I looked at both of them and knew that trying not to keep this from them was useless. They would badger me constantly until I told them. " Ok, but you have to promise not to tell a soul, not even my parents." They both nodded and looked really eager. I took a deep breath and looked around, to make sure no one was listening, and said, "Kendall."

They both were still for a minute, I'm guessing because they were letting the knowledge sink in. James was the first to speak

" I never would of thought you would like him. I thought you thought he hated you that's why I talked to him."

"YOU DID WHAT?" I practically screamed, earning a few looks for the surrounding tables.

"Yeah, you said that you thought he didn't like you and I asked him to let you know that he was just shy or something, so you would stop freaking out."

"No wonder he has never talked to me he probably thinks I'm some weirdo freak who goes and tattles to his big hockey playing friend when someone isn't very nice to him"

" Sorry, I was just trying to help."

I sighed, "What about you Camille, you haven't said anything about him."

"Well I don't really know him, I mean I think he's hot, but besides that I don't know anything about him. I am very happy for you though, finally having a crush."

"Thanks," I muttered feeling my cheeks getting red.

" So tell us about him," she said.

"What," I asked.

" Tell us about him, what makes you like him so much."

"Oh, um I don't really know anything about him. I mean we only talked once when I asked, well more like begged, him for his name."

"So you know nothing about him then." She said.

"Well, I know he plays hockey and that he took Creative writing, he sits next to me."

"Ok, but you hate sports and creative writing." said James.

"Well you have played hockey with him for two years now, what can you tell me about him?" I asked.

"I know he has a little sister and that he lives with his dad, I don't know what happened to his mom. I also know he has a job, and I only know that because he skips practice sometimes to go to work."

"Thats it after two years with the guy."

"Yeah the only person he talks to is Carlos, also I don't have a huge crush on the guy so I don't really care what he does outside of hockey."

I nodded and began to think. For the past month this guy has plagued my thoughts and I really don't know a thing about him. " Is it weird that I have a crush on him and don't know anything about him?" I asked my two friends.

"No not really, but maybe you should try to get to know him better" Camille said as the bell rang. We all got up left the cafeteria and went to our individual classes.

I thought about what Camille had said. I could try to get to know him, but he never wants to talk with me. I tried, after the first day, I would talk to him at the beginning and end of class, but he would just ignore me. I didn't know what I was going to do to make him talk to me.

I got to class and sat down next to him, and as usual he didn't even acknowledge that I sat down. I was about to say something when the bell rang and Ms. Nap called the class to order. I spent the rest of the class thinking of things to say to him and not paying attention at all.

"Ok, thats all for today class, you can use that last couple minutes to do homework or talk, just please keep the noise down." said Ms. Nap.

I looked at the clock we had five minutes left until the bell rang. It was now or never.

"So," I said turning towards him. "I'm Logan, I don't think I ever introduced myself." I put my hand out for him to shake, but he just ignored me.

"Ok, um so do you like to write is that why you took this class?" Still he said nothing to me, just kept doodling words on his notebook.

"You play hockey here right? I'm best friends with James, your caption, he's a great guy don't you think". Nothing, but silence from his end.

Anger was now starting to boil inside of me. What had I ever done to him? He just sits there all smug, arrogant, tall, hot ,sexy,smoldering, wait a sec. Where was I going with this train of thought? Oh, right him being a dick and not even giving me the time of day.

"You know what," I said the anger starting to spill out of me. " I didn't want to be in this stupid class, and I didn't ask to sit next to you, but guess what its happening. So why don't you at least give me the decency of answering me when I talk to you, even if is to tell me to shut the hell up." I was breathing a little heavy. I never had such anger before, what is it about this guy that brings out things in me I never felt before? I was so busy thinking I almost didn't hear him say something to me.

"Why are you here if you don't want to me?" he asked me.

I was stunned, apparently anger can make even the most stubborn people open up a little bit. "There was a scheduling conflict and the only way I could take Ap biology was if I took this class to fulfill my English credit for the year"

"Do you like to write at all?"

"No, I hate it. I prefer to be direct and just say what I'm thinking, like I just did with you. I don't like to use confusing metaphors and things like that."

He smiled. "that sucks, sorry you got stuck here."

"It could be worse."

The bell rang and he got up and left. I sat there for a second and went over our conversation in our head again. I was glad that wasn't a dick, he was actually a little sweet. He felt bad that I was stuck in a class that I didn't like. It was progress, it wasn't making out in the janitor's closet, but it was still something. I smiled at this thought and got up to go to my next class.

* * *

><p>A week had passed and it was next friday, after school, and I was sitting on the couch in the living room watching some t.v. Things with Kendall hadn't changed much, we hadn't talked since last Friday, but he gives me a little nod everyday when I walk into class and it was good enough for me right now. My dad came in the door from work and I said hi to him from the couch.<p>

"Logan," my mom yelled.

"What," I yelled back.

"Were going out for dinner, I found a new restaurant I want to try. So get ready, we will be leaving in fifteen minutes."

Thirty minutes later we were pulling up to a restaurant called "Budapest."

As I got out of the car I looked at the sign and said " What kind of place is this mom?"

"It's a Hungarian restaurant, I never had it before and the girls from work say it is really good so I thought we could try it."

I groaned, but followed my parents into the restaurant. The hostess greeted us and sat us down at a booth.

"This is a nice place, good choice babe." said my dad as he gave her a peck on the lips

I rolled my eyes and opened the menu. I started to look at the different foods choices and a lot of them I had no idea what they were.

"What exactly is paprikas," I asked my mom.

"I don't know, were ask our server when she comes."

I took off my hat and set it next to me in the booth. I started to unbutton my coat when I saw the server walking up to the booth in my peripherals.

"Hello I'm Kendall and I'll be.."

My head snapped up and my eyes locked onto his beautiful green ones, and they looked just as surprised as me.

"Kendall, I didn't know you worked here." was all I could think of to say. I knew he had a job, but I didn't know where.

"Yeah, I've been working her for two years now." he said.

We stared at each other for a moment before my dad cleared his throat, snapping me out of it.

"How do you two know each other?" my dad asked.

"We sit next to each other in English and he plays hockey with James. Um, Kendall these are my parents"

He smiled at them and said, "nice to meet you, can I bring you guys something to drink?"

We ordered our drinks, he told us the specials, and then left to get our drinks. I couldn't believe it, the guy I have a huge crush on is waiting on me while I'm with my parents.

"He's cute," my mom said.

"MOM!, stop that he could hear you and I have to sit next to him everyday, so please be civil, and don't ask him any embarrassing questions."

He came back with our drinks and asked us if we were ready to order.

"What exactly is paprikas? I see you have both chicken and veal paprikas" my mom asked.

"Paprikas is a like a sauce that is made with sour cream and paprika?" Kendall said.

" That sounds good I'll have the chicken paprikas, its a hungarian dish and you can't go to a Hungarian restaurant and not get Hungarian right?" she said with a little laugh and Kendall smiled at her.

I almost died right there. I swore I just told her two seconds ago not to ask embarrassing questions and then she goes and pulls this crap, God help me.

My dad got beef stroganoff and then Kendall turned to me. "Um.. i'll take the stuffed cabbage" He smiled gathered our menus and walked away.

"You like him don't you?" my mom asked.

I looked up at my parents and they both had stupid grins on their faces. "Yes," I said with a sigh, "but I don't know if he likes me so be good and no more questions.

The rest of the dinner went along smoothly, we ate our salads, entrees, and even got dessert something called kremes, it was really good. He came by and dropped off the bill.

" Give him a good tip" I said to my dad.

"I'll leave him 20% he was a very good waiter" my dad said.

" No leave him more than that."

"Son, money won't make him like you." he said with a stern face.

"No, but it won't make him like me any less."

He sighed and my mom chuckled. He put an extra ten in the booklet and then we got up to leave. As we were leaving Kendall walked out of the kitchen and said with a smile, "Thanks come back again soon."

"Thanks, you too," I said without thinking. I could have slapped myself for that stupid sentence. "You too" of course he was going to come back, he worked there. I looked at my parents and they were both holding back laughs.

" I swear if you say one word," I said giving them a stern look.

As we left the restaurant and walked to the car I realized I left my hat in the booth. I told my parents and turned around to go back in and grab it. When I walked back in I was Kendall at our booth with my hat in his hand. I stopped and watched him for a second he was holding my hat like it was the most precious thing in the world and he had a look of sadness on his face, that just killed me inside.

I walked up to him and said, " Hey, thanks you got my hat." I must have scared him because he jumped a little when I spoke.

"Yeah," he said quickly handing me my hat and turning to walk away.

I couldn't just let him walk away. "Hey," I said as I followed him "are you going to James' party after the game tomorrow?"

"No, I usually just go home after games."

"While your whole team is out having fun? You should come, I'll be there so there is even more incentive to go." I said with a big smile on my face.

"I don't know I have to work the morning shift tomorrow and then the game is at five, I'll probably be too tired and it will too late after the game anyway."

"Too late, how long to hockey games last anyway like two hours or something?"

He chuckled, "You're yelling at me for not going to party with my teammates, when you've never been to a hockey game when your best friend is the caption."

"Touche, ok how about this if I go to the game you have to come to the party."

"I don.."

"No, no,no," I said. "That is the deal, I go to the game and cheer you on, you come to the party and have some fun, I have a feeling you need some fun"

He looked at me and gave me a weak smile. "OK," he said.

"Awesome, I'll see you tomorrow." I then left, feeling pretty good, because tomorrow at the party is when I plan on making my move and seeing if this crush on Kendall is really worth all the trouble it has put me through.


	4. Breaking

**Not too thrilled with this chapter,but tell what you think. I just want to say thanks to everyone who commented or put this story on their favorites. So now please read and review.**

* * *

><p>I walked into my house after working the morning shift, which sucked we were so slow and I made practically no money, and sat down on the couch. Carlos was coming in an hour to pick me up and take me to our first hockey game this season, and I was petrified. Not because of the game, but because I was afraid that Logan was actually going to show up. If he did show up that would mean he would force me to go to the party afterwards, and I don't know if I am strong enough to be with him all night and not try anything.<p>

Katie came downstairs and saw he sulking on the couch.

" What's up with you lately? You have been quieter than normal and you came home last night with this weird look on your face."

" What weird look?" I asked.

" I'm not sure, it looked like you were both happy and a little freaked out at the same time."

" I don't know what you're talking about I'm fine."

"Liar," she said. " There is something going on and you are going to tell me."

I sighed there was no point in trying to deny it any more, when Katie wanted someone to tell her something they were going to tell her whether they want to or not.

" Dad isn't here, is he?" I asked.

" No, I don't know where he is, just that he isn't here."

"Ok, so there is this guy I kinda sorta like." I said slowly.

"Oh," she said. "Well that's not a bad thing, who is it do I know him?"

"Probably not, he's a senior, his name is Logan, and I sit next to him in English."

"Well, what are you going to do about it?" she asked.

" Nothing," I said. "and you know why." I quickly added when I saw she was about to say something.

" He could have changed, it has been almost three years."

I started to laugh really hard. " Yeah and maybe pigs are soaring through the sky as we speak. He will never change Katie, you need to accept that."

"Fine," she said. " that still doesn't tell me what you plan on doing about your little crush."

I could tell she was getting a little angry and trying to start a fight, but I wasn't going to let her get to me.

"Well I planned on just ignoring him, but he made things get a little complicated."

"How did he do that?"

" I think he may like me." she gasped. " He invited me to a party tonight and I am going to go, but only to tell him to leave me alone."

"Kendall," she said quietly as she reached out and grabbed my hand. " You don't have to do that, you could be with him. You would have to keep it a secret, but isn't that better than constantly being alone?"

" No," I said. I pulled my hand out of her reach and stood up. " It has to be this way, I won't.." I stopped myself when I felt the tears coming. I walked away and headed upstairs to get ready for the game.

"Kendall, please," Katie said.

"NO," I yelled back at her. "No one else will ever get hurt again because of me."

Carlos picked me up later and we headed to the ice rink.

" I'm so excited," He said as we walked into the locker room with the rest of our teammates. " I mean I am a little sad too, because it is our last first game ever, but at least we have a great team."

I nodded only half listening to what he was saying. All I could think about was if Logan really came tonight. If he did come that means he probably does like me which means I have to talk to him. If he doesn't come it means he doesn't like me and for some reason that hurt more.

I saw James walk into the locker room and look around. Once he saw me he smiled and walked over.

" I have a message for you" James said.

" Really," I asked.

"Yeah Logan says that he is here and looking forward to seeing you play and seeing you at the party afterwards." he said with a smile on his face.

I frowned, he had come and was looking forward to seeing me. I hated that the fact he wanted to see me sent a wave of happiness through me, because that only meant that tonight will be that much harder.

"Wait, you're coming to the party and who is Logan?" Carlos asked.

" He sits next to me in English and is best friends with James. I told him I would go to the party if he came to the game tonight." I said trying to pass it off as nothing important.

"Well I am going to have to meet Logan and thank him. I have been trying to get you to go out with me for years, what did he do to get you to come out?"

I almost laughed at Carlos' choice of words. " Nothing, he didn't do anything." I said.

Carlos gave me a confused look, but just shrugged and continued to change. It was the truth Logan didn't do anything, he was just himself, which is why I liked him so much, and because I like him so much I needed to break his heart so that he wouldn't get hurt.

* * *

><p>It was the last minute of the game and it was tied two to two. I was watching the puck as James and Carlos passed it back and forth to get it down to the other teams side. I skated after them, there was thirty seconds left, James had the puck, but was checked I saw the puck go flying across the ice. Carlos managed to get it and was skating towards the net when two players from the other team skated towards him. That is when he noticed me, he quickly passed me the puck as the two guys checked him. With only a few seconds left as soon as I felt the puck hit my stick, I turned and shot it.<p>

The world seemed to slow down as we all watched the puck head for the net. I closed my eyes hoping it would go in, and a second later I heard the alarm go off signaling that a goal had been made and not even two seconds later the buzzer went off, the game was over and we had won.

The whole stadium erupted in noise and my teammates jumped up from the bench and surrounded me. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I knew they were all congratulating me. I looked up in the stands and saw Logan and Camille jumping up and down with the rest of the crowd. I felt a moment of sadness wash over me, because I wished my parents could have seen me. The feeling was instantly gone when I felt Carols give me a big hug and saw the huge smile on his face.

The locker was full of excitement. The coach congratulated me, along with the rest of the team on a great game and told us if we kept this up we could end up going to state. I couldn't remember the last time I was this happy, but it all came crashing down when James said he would see me at his house. I remembered what I was about to do.

* * *

><p>The party was in full swing when Carlos and I arrived. When I walked in a cheer erupted from the crowd and everyone kept giving me high fives, patting me on the back, and offering me drinks. I smiled and thanked everybody, but wanted to find Logan and get this over with.<p>

"You came." I knew that voice and turned around to see him standing there with a big smile on his face.

"Yeah, you came to the game it seemed only fair that I come to the party."

" I am glad I went to the game, that was an amazing goal." he said.

"Thanks," was all I could say in response.

We stood there for a moment staring at each other before Carlos came running up to us.

" Hey you must be Logan." Carlos said putting out his hand.

"Yeah that's me and you must be Carlos, Kendall's friend." Logan said as he shook Carlos' hand.

"Yeah we have been friends for years now. I am curious though, what did you do to get him to this party. I have been begging him to come to parties for years and he never did, and you ask once and poof here he is." said Carlos.

" I don't know, I guess there is just something about me that Kendall can't say no to." Logan said with a little grin on his face.

I almost had a heart attack right then and there. He was more or less telling Carlos that I liked him, and Carlos didn't even know that I am gay.

" Hey let's not worry about the reason I'm here. Let's just have a good time." I said as I grabbed the cup from Carlos' hand and chugged it.

Carlos just shrugged and went into the kitchen, to get us some drinks. He came back a minute later and I grabbed both from his hands and emptied the cups in on swig.

"Wow, dude slow down." He said. " I'm going to go get you some water"

I looked at Logan and he had a confused look on his face.

"What," I said.

"Nothing, I just never would have guessed that you were a big drinker."

" I'm not a big drinker, I just going to need some liquid courage tonight." I said as I walked away from him and towards the kitchen.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka and took a swig. I needed to be at least buzzed if I was going to break Logan's heart. When I saw him I just couldn't do it, not when he was looking at me with that adorable smile and those beautiful chocolate eyes. I took another swig and waited for the alcohol to kick in

Thirty minutes later I was pretty buzzed and decided it was time to find Logan.

I found him talking to James and Camille.

"Logan, can I talk to you for a minute." I said while trying to stand straight.

" Sure," he said while chuckling at me.

" Somewhere private," I said looking at James and Camille.

"You can use my room, no one should be in there." James said.

"Behave you two," Camille shouted as we headed up the stairs.

Logan laughed at her and guided me to James room while holding my hand to keep me steady. I loved the feeling of his hand in mine and wished it could be this easy.

We walked into James' room and he shut the door and locked it. I opened my mouth to say something, but he held up his hand.

"Let me speak first, I like you and I think that you like me too. This may be a little blunt, but I'm not one to beat around the bush. I don't know if you are gay, bi, or whatever, but I would like to give me and you a try. I really like you, and I know that I don't know you that well, but when you scored that goal I was so proud of you and all I wanted to do was run on the ice and hug you. Tha..

"What did you say?" I asked.

He gave me a puzzled look. " I said that I like you and I think that you like me."

" No, no you said you are proud of me"

"Well yeah who wouldn't be. You are kind, when you want to be, you have a great talent for English that I never will, and you just scored the winning goal for your hockey team." He said.

He was proud of me, no one has said they were proud of me since my mother was alive. I'm not sure if it was for that reason, the booze, or my raging hormones, but I let myself break down.

I grabbed Logan and pushed him up against the door and kissed him hard. He was a little shocked first, but then started to kiss me back. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and was exploring every crevasse. I moaned when he ran his hands up my back to grab onto my hair. I was lost in him and I could have stayed here forever, but when he gave my hair a little tug, a memory seeped into my brain. I quickly broke the kiss and walked away from him.

"What's the matter," he said panting.

I took a deep breath and looked at him. " It's for the best," I thought.

"This isn't going to happen Logan. What we just did never happened, I don't want to be with you so please just leave me alone."

He stood there with his back against the door, just staring at me. "Liar," he said.

"What," I asked.

"You want this, I know you do I was there during that kiss, you can't fake that kind of passion."

" I'm drunk otherwise that never would have happened."

"You're not drunk, you're just afraid or something. I like you and you like me it is that simple."

That got the anger boiling inside of me. " SIMPLE! This is anything but simple Logan, the world isn't black and white. There are things and people to consider, consequences from this you can't even begin to understand. Now move out of the way, I want to leave."

"NO, who cares about what other people think, you want this so do it, screw everyone else and their opinions."

"You think I give a shit about what other people think about me. There are too many people who will get hurt if we do this. Now move out of my way and leave me the hell alone."

I went for the door, he tried to stop me, but him being a short skinny guy and me being a tall hockey play he was easy to get around.

"Please," he said as he grabbed my hand. "Don't do this whatever it is we can work it out I promise."

I couldn't look at him I just ran down the steps, with logan screaming my name. I ran out of the house, I just needed to get away.

When was walking down the street when I saw a car drive by and park on the street a few houses ahead of me, it was Carlos.

"What happened, are you okay, you just stormed out of the house with Logan screaming your name."

"Nothing happened, can you please just take me home?"

"Did you guys have a fight?"

"Please, just take me home."

I stared at him, he sighed and said, " Did you guys break up?"

"What, me and Logan aren't dating, what gave you that idea?"

"Something has been going on with you lately and tonight when I came up to you and Logan I saw something between you two. I figured you guys were secretly dating and when you ran out of the house I thought he dumped you."

I was speechless, he thought we were dating and he was cool with it.

"I've known you were gay since the incident." he said quietly.

"Oh, who told you what happened?" I asked

"No one, I still don't know what happened, but I knew you and the guy must have been dating or something, because I saw you kiss him that day. I never told you because I figured you would tell me whenever you were ready."

I smiled and gave him a hug. " Thank you for being the best friend anyone could ask for."

" Your welcome, but you still didn't tell me what happened with Logan?"

"I pretty much told him that we couldn't be together."

"Why, I know you like him, I saw it when you were talking to him."

"There are things you don't know Carlos, things I'm not ready to talk about yet. Just know I can't be with Logan because of them."

"Well I think you are being dumb, you have been through a lot Kendall, and I think dating Logan will be good for you, you need some happiness in your life. Its your life though and as your best friend I will support your decision, but I won't stop annoying you until you go out with Logan, you deserve him."

I smiled at my best friend. "Fair enough, now can we please go home?"

* * *

><p>I got home around one, my dad still wasn't home and Katie was asleep. So I crept up to my room and locked the door. I got ready for bed and as I laid in bed I kept touching my lips and thinking about Logan. The kiss was amazing and I wanted to kiss him again and again, but knowing what would happen it was far too riskyI know I hurt him, but it was for the best. With that thought I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, hoping that maybe if I couldn't be with Logan in reality, that I could be with him in my dreams.<p> 


	5. Understanding

Logan's P.O.V.

It was Monday morning and I was getting ready for school. I had spent all of Sunday locked in my room ignoring my parents, James, and Camille. I didn't tell them anything that happened between me and Kendall on Saturday. When I had come downstairs, after we kissed and then he preceded to dump me, I left the party and went home and haven't talked to anyone since.

I kept going over what Kendall had said to me. Consequences, what consequences could happen if we got together. I know the school wouldn't be to happy about a gay couple there, but we could just control ourselves. Also, what people did he have to think about? What do other people have to do with our relationship, because he told me he doesn't care what people think about him. I want to talk to him, but I don't know his number or where he lives. So, I decided today at school I will confront him and make him tell me what is wrong.

"Logan, James is here." I heard my mom scream from downstairs.

"Okay."

I ran down the stairs and said goodbye to my parents without looking at them. I knew they were worried about me, but I wasn't ready to talk with them about it yet. It was bad enough that James was about to grill me on what happened.

I got into the car and James pulled out of my driveway heading towards school.

We sat in silence for a minute before he said, "You are really just going to sit there and not tell me what happened between you and Kendall."

"I'm don't really want to talk about it."

"BULLSHIT, I know you Logan we have been best friends for like nine years. I was the first person, besides your parents, that you came out to and I know you have been spending the past day and a half getting lost in that head of yours trying to figure something out. So will you please just tell me, because I not a complete idiot, I may even be able to help."

"I'm sorry," I said with my head hanging down.

"Its okay, I just want you to know that you can talk to me about things."

"Thanks."

"So, do you want to tell me what happened now."

I told him everything that happened from when we left him to when I came running down the stairs after him.

"Huh, and he didn't give any clue what these consequences may be?"

"No, he just said that there are other people to consider and that people could get hurt if he was with me. That is what I don't understand, I get that some people may not like gay couples, but who would we hurt that Kendall cares enough about to ignore his feelings."

"I don't know," he said as we pulled into school.

I got out of the car and looked around and I saw him. He was walking towards the entrance of school with Carlos and a shorter brunette girl at his sides. I stared at him as he walked, he stopped near the doors and turned around. Our eyes locked and I went to give him a wave, but he quickly turned around and went inside.

"Not looking forward to English are you?" James asked as we headed towards school.

I just shrugged, because I was dreading the awkwardness that was going to be between us, but I was also happy because I was going to see him again. If only I could talk with his somewhere we could be alone. Then an idea struck me.

"James, you would do anything to help me right?"

"Yes, but that is your "I just figured something out face" and it is a little scary."

"Don't worry I have a plan, all you need to do is listen to my instructions and everything should work out fine."

The rest of the day seemed to drag on. At lunch I told Camille my plan and she was in, anything to do a little acting.

I walked into English and sat down next to Kendall, I didn't say a word to him.

Ms. Nap called the class to order and began to hand out a piece of paper to everyone.

"Before we begin our lesson for the day, I want to give you your first writing assignment for the year. You all will be writing a poem."

I groaned inside, so far this class hasn't been that hard, but I knew my luck wouldn't last.

"We have spent the last month and a half going over the different styles of poetry. The assignment is to pick an emotion you have been feeling very strongly lately, whether it is anger,sadness."

"Horny?" Travis yelled out, the whole class laughed.

"Yes, travis that is a feeling, but please keep the poems PG rated. Now, back to topic, you are to pick an emotion and write a poem about it. Now I don't want you to use the actual emotion word in the poem."

My hand shot up.

"Yes Mr. Mitchell." Ms. Nap asked

"What do you mean by the actual emotion word?"

"What I mean is that, for example, if you pick to write about the feeling of anger then the word anger shouldn't show up in the actual poem. You are to use the poem to convey your emotion to me. When I read the poem I should be able to tell what emotion you picked."

"OK," I said. " How are we going to be graded on this? Is it my how well we rhyme or something?"

I heard a chuckle beside me, but ignored him.

"No, Mr Mitchell, you should know by now that not all poetry rhymes. You will be graded on how the well you can portray the emotion. Now the assignment is due a week from Friday, so don't wait until the last minute."

The rest of the class went by quickly, I started to get nervous and hoped the plan would actually work.

When the bell rang Ms. Nap yelled over the noise of everyone getting up and gathering their things. " Don't forget to pick an emotion, and make sure it is one that you can easily describe without actually saying it"

"Yeah, because simply saying what you feel is so crazy" I said sarcastically.

I saw Kendall look at me out of the corner of my eye when I said that, but I did look at him. He then left, probably thinking that he didn't have to deal with me until tomorrow, but if my plan worked, I would be seeing him in a very short time.

* * *

><p>Kendall's P.O.V<p>

I was sitting in religion class, my least favorite subject, and thinking about what Logan said when we left English. Did he mean that as a stab at me or did he say that as a stab at poetry in general. I felt terrible for rejecting him, but I knew it was for the best and one day he'll find someone who will be able to be with him without any worries.

About ten minutes into class there was a knock on the door and Camille came in.

"Yes, Camille can I help you," asked Mr. K.

"Yes, Ms. Wainwright needs to speak to Kendall about his college application, a complication arose and she needs to speak to him immediately."

"Of course, Kendall go with Ms. Roberts."

I got up and followed Camille. "Do you know what happened with my application?"

She just shook her head and kept walking.

"This isn't the way to the office." I said.

"No she isn't there she is in here." she said as we arrived at a door.

I looked at the room number. "220, no one has used this classroom in years, what is she doing in here?"

" I don't know," she said. " Why don't you just go in and talk to her."

I was a little suspicious, but opened the door and walked in, but the only person in the room was Logan. I turned around, but Camille quickly shut the door and I heard her lock it from the outside. I tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge.

"It won't open, no matter how long you try." I heard Logan say.

I turned around and looked at him.

"What is going on."

" I needed to talk to you and I knew you would never talk willingly so I got James and Camille to help."

"How?"

"Well Camille works in the office this hour so she had access to the key for this room and could find out what class you were in. Also, being an actress she could lie and escort you here without you thinking something was wrong."

"I was a little suspicious when she lead me here, but I never thought you would be in here." I said. "Aren't you worried about missing class."

" No I have study hall this period and James helped me get out of it."

"How," I asked. I was amazed he went through so much just to talk to me, especially after I rejected him.

"Well you know the librarian is out sick for the next two weeks and they hired some 20 year old college girl to be her replacement."

"Only you would know what happens in the library." I said, and he smiled.

"Well I had James flirt with her to get her to sign a slip saying I was in the library studying. It does help to have a best friend who is really hot."

When he called James hot it sent a wave of jealousy through me, but I shook it off. I rejected him, he can call guys hot and it shouldn't effect me.

"Well I'm here what do you want?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. " I know you think us being together would cause something bad to happen and someone would get hurt. I don't understand that, but I accept it. So, I am here to offer you a proposal. I want one date with you, just one. We will go somewhere far away so no one will see us and I won't tell anyone that we are on a date. After the date if you still think you can go on without me then I will leave you alone, but if you decided to go out with me than know I am willing to keep it a secret."

"Logan, I can't. You don't understand what would happen if anyone found out about us."

"I DON"T CARE," he shouted and then grabbed my hand. "Kendall when I am with you I feel things I have never felt before. You take me out of my brain and into the world. When I saw you at your work and said "Yeah you too." I did that without thinking. I have never done anything without thinking before. You make me happy so please, please just give us a chance."

He had tears in his eyes, I was hurting him and I couldn't stand knowing he was hurting because of me.

"What did you have in mind?"

He got the biggest smile that lit up his whole face.

" I have it all planned out." he said wiping the tears from his eyes. " I got James to give us two tickets the the Wild's hockey game next Monday. It is in Minneapolis, so its an hour and a half away so no one will recognize us and no one will think we are on a date, cause don't guys go to hockey games together all the time?"

"Yeah, but hockey tickets are really expensive. I feel bad that you paid for them."

"I didn't James' dad has season tickets and he can't go to that game so James gave them to me"

"Wow you thought of everything haven't you."

"Yeah, I even know that your work is closed on Mondays, so you won't have to work. The only thing I can't do is give you an excuse to give to your family about where you are going."

"Don't worry about that I will take care of it. I'll just stay I'm staying at Carlos' for the day or something, my dad won't even notice I'm gone anyway."

"What do you mean he won't notice?" He asked.

"Oh, um just that he works late on Mondays, I'll probably be back before he is."

He nodded. "Ok then we have a date next week?"

"We agree through from now until then nothing changes, no talking, holding hands, telling your friends anything other than what they know. We are to act like nothing even happened or is going to happen."

He smiled, and I was looking forward to going, but it wasn't going to change anything. I knew he would be stubborn and keep trying if I said no, so I will go on the date and afterwards tell him that I still don't want to be with him. Hopefully that will show him I am serious and he will let it be.

* * *

><p>Logan's P.O.V<p>

The week to my date was long and torturous. Every time I saw Kendall I just wanted to run up and kiss him, but I stayed strong, because I knew the date was going to work out for the best.

When Monday night finally rolled around I pulled up two blocks away from Kendall's house, he insisted it be two blocks away for some reason.

"Where did you get the car?" he asked as he got in.

"Its my dad's, he let me borrow it."

"I hope you are a good driver." he said with a big smile on his face.

"I am, thank you very much, though my parents think I drive too fast, but I've never been in an accident."

We drove for the first forty five minutes in silence, but when a song came on the radio Kendall must of liked it, because he started to sing along quietly.

"Wow, you have a really good voice." I said.

"Oh, thanks. I really like music, I want to write songs for a living."

" Really, that is so cool, are you going to perform them too and become rich and famous?" I asked.

"No, I don't want to be famous."

"Who doesn't want to be famous?"

"Me thats who. Constantly being followed, hassled by strangers, everything you do under the spotlight. No thanks, I'll be happy just knowing my songs are out there making people happy, helping them through hard times."

"Can a song really help someone through hard times."

"You'd be surprised."

He stopped talking after that and I took it as a hint that he didn't want to elaborate. We stayed in silence until we parked in the parking garage and got out and headed for the arena.

We sat down in our seats and the game began. I was really nervous, I needed this date to go perfect if I was ever going to get Kendall to agree to continue the relationship.

"So, do you really like hockey?" I asked.

"Not really, Its okay and I enjoy watching it and it felt great to score the winning goal the other day, but truthfully I never really wanted to play."

"Why did you then?"

"My dad, he really wanted me to play."

"What about your mom?" I asked.

"She died a while ago, so its just me, my dad and my sister Katie."

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't even imagine losing my mom now, but especially when I was younger.

"I'm sorry about your mom."

"Thanks, its hard sometimes, but I get along."

We spent the rest of the game just talking. We shared our likes and dislikes, what we hoped for from the future. I learned that he could play the guitar and wanted to go to Juilliard in New York. I told him of my dream of becoming a doctor one day. We shared stories that made us laugh so hard we fell out of seats. People kept telling us to quiet down, but I couldn't of cared less because we were having a great time.

We didn't even the game was over until the buzzer went off and everyone started to leave.

"Wow, that went by fast. I don't even know who won, do you?" I asked.

"Yeah I think that we did, but I'm not even sure."

We both looked at each other and started to laugh, we then got up and left. As we drove home we exchanged stories from when we were kids, I had to pull over at one point when he told me the time Carlos tried to climb a tree and fell. His pants got caught on the branch and he had to hang there until the firemen could come and get him down.

Before I realized it I was where I picked him up earlier, two blocks from his house.

"I had a great time." I said

"Yeah, me too."

I looked over at him, and he had a smile on his face. I then decided to just go for it and I leaned over and connected our lips. He put his hand on the back of my head and kissed me back, our tongues battled for dominance, but unlike last time he ended up winning.

He broke the kiss and I looked into those green eyes and felt at home.

"We shouldn't have done that."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because nothing is going to happen between us."

"WHAT!" I yelled.

" I agreed to go on the date with you and you said afterwards if I decided not to continue this that you would leave me alone."

"Yeah, if you didn't have a good time, but you had a great time I know you did. Why do you keep doing this, what is so wrong with us doing this."

"You wouldn..

"Don't say I won't understand, what could possibly happen."

"MY DAD THATS WHAT WILL HAPPEN." he screamed at me.

"I don.."

"Besides Logan this would never work with us. We are too different when we were talking about our likes and dislikes, we didn't have one thing in common. You said you would leave me alone so please do that."

He opened the door and got out of the car.

"You're wrong," I said.

"What?," he asked

"You're wrong, we do have one thing in common, the way we feel about each other. I know we are different, thats the reason I like you so much. When I am with you time flies by, I can relax when I am with you. Are you saying you truly don't want to be with me?

"No, I am saying that I can't"

He then closed the door and walked away.

I told my parents that the date didn't work out and that was why I have been moping around for the past couple of days only James and Camille knew the truth. I think my parents bought it, but I really didn't care I just couldn't understand why he can't be with me, what could possibly happen?

It was thursday and I was sitting in English, Ms. Nap had given us the day to finalize our poems, which were due tomorrow.

I was trying really hard to do the poem, but I was failing terribly. I scratched out another line and sighed loudly.

"Need some help" I heard him ask me.

I looked at him, this was the first time that we had talked since he rejected me for the second time.

" I thought you can't be with me." I said with a little bit of anger.

"Not as a boyfriend, but as a guy who helps you in English."

"Well I don't need help, I need a boyfriend."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you." he said as he placed his hand on my arm.

"Apparently not that sorry, because you keep doing it." I said as I shrugged off his hand.

He sat there for a minute and then got up and went up to

"Yes, Kendall," she said.

"Can I go to the library there is a book in there that will help me with my poem." he said.

" Yes, of course."

She then handed him a note and he left.

"Selfish bastard," I thought.

The bell rang signaling the end of class. I ran out of there wishing that I had never met Kendall Knight.

It was the next day and I was at lunch staring angry daggers at Kendall.

"Dude let it go he rejected you, I know it sucks, but it happens to all of us. Well not to me, but to average looking people it does." said James

"Yeah forget about him, there are plenty of other guys out there for you." said Camille.

"I understand rejection, but what I don't get is why he rejected me when I know he doesn't want to. It makes no sense. " I said.

"The heart never does." said Camille, like that was a good enough answer.

I sat down in English and turned in my poem, I am sure it sucked, but it was good enough to pass and that is all I really cared about now.

"Would anyone like to read there poem out loud to the class?" Ms. Nap asked.

People read their poems and we had to guess what emotion they felt.

"Anyone else" Ms. Nap asked.

I was surprised when Kendall volunteered to read his aloud.

"Um, I don't really like the spotlight and I'm pretty sure this poem sucks, but I need to read it aloud so try to bare with me." he said nervously.

Is there always a wrong or right

Is the world truly black and white

I look at my reflection in the mirror

I wish my answer was just as clear

I observe the two paths in front of me

I see what each one will lead me to be

I just don't know which to choose

I only know either path makes me lose

He finished the poem with tears in his eyes and asked to be excused.

"Can anyone tell me the emotion Kendall picked for his poem." Ms. Nap asked.

I raised my hand and he pointed at me, " I don't know if this is an emotion, but I think he is conflicted about something."

"I agree Mr. Mitchell."

She continued with the lesson, but I wasn't paying attention I had finally figured out why he couldn't be with me. The memory of what he said in the car, "my dad thats what will happen." His dad would leave him and take Katie, he would lose his home, the only life he has ever known, for what a guy he has known for two months.

I realized I was the one being selfish, not him, making him choose because I wanted to be with him. With that thought I came to a decision, and that is also when he came back in and sat down next to me.

"Ok," I said. " I will leave you alone."

* * *

><p><strong>Don't worry this isn't the end there is more to come. Please review and until next time.<strong>


	6. Jealousy

Its been a month since Logan told me he would leave me alone, and he had. I was surprised he had, I thought he would break down or at least try and talk to me, but he hasn't said a word to me. I was supposed to be happy about this, but for some reason now I am more miserable than ever.

* * *

><p>"Dude your doing it again," said Carlos.<p>

"What am I doing?" I asked.

"You're staring at him and It's kind of creeping me out."

"Sorry," I muttered, " I didn't realize I was doing it."

" Well, you do it all the time. I don't understand if you like him this much go be with him. Ever since he left you alone you've been miserable."

I just sighed and shrugged my shoulders. I knew he was right, I was miserable.

" I know you don't want your dad finding out about Logan, so why not keep the relationship a secret from him?" asked Carlos

" I had thought of trying to date him and keep it a secret, but that wouldn't be fair to him. We could never go out on an official date, never show any affection towards each other. No one wants a relationship like that."

"I'm sure Logan would take any type of relationship with you. He is pretty miserable too."

"What do you mean he is miserable too?" I asked.

"You didn't think that he was just going to wake up the next day and his feelings for you be gone. Come on, he trapped you in a classroom, took you to a hockey game, and kissed you in his dad's car. You don't do those things with someone unless you have deep feeling for them and those kind of feelings just don't go away over night."

" I never told you we kissed after the game, how did you find that out?" I asked

"I talked to James about you and Logan. That's how I found out he is miserable too. James said he even got a B on his last calc test, which I guess is a big deal for him."

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Carlos and I got up and left the cafeteria.

"Talk to him, even if you can't have a romantic relationship maybe you can at least have a platonic one."

With that he left for class. Could I really do that? Just be friends with Logan and not let it go any farther than that.

I walked into class and sat down, he soon entered and sat down next to me.

"Ok, class I want you to read the short story on page 106 in your books and then answer the questions that follow it, you can work with your table partner if you like." said Ms. Nap

The room was silent for the next twenty minutes as we all read the short story. Some chatter started as people finished the story and started to work together to finish the question.

I saw that Logan had finished reading and was trying to answer the questions, but from the look of it was having trouble.

"Need some help? I asked.

He looked at me and said, "Yeah, the second question I have no clue what the answer is."

I looked at the question and replied, "The little girl in the story represents his guilt, which is why he is the only one that sees her."

"Ok if you say so, cause I have no idea." he said with a smile.

"Yeah, anyway how have you been?"

"Oh I'm good."

"Really, I thought since you haven't said anything to me lately that you were still upset about us. Carlos said you even got a B on your last test."

"I almost got a B, but I pointed out to the teacher that he made some mistakes grading my paper and I got an A instead. And the thing with us, I'm over it. I was miserable at first, but it was just a crush, don't feel bad I'm over you now."

He went back to answering the questions as my world collapsed around me. He was over me, just like that.

I sat in a daze for the rest of the class period, even in the classes that followed I couldn't pay attention. He was over me, which is what I wanted, I just wished that it didn't hurt so much.

* * *

><p>It had been a week since Logan told me he as over me. Katie and Carlos tried to cheer me up, they even both offered to kick the crap out of him for me, but I told them no, he can't help how he feels.<p>

It was Friday and I was getting out of Carlos' car at school.

"Come on Carlos, all I am saying is that you could try the fat free corn dogs, and if you like them than you wouldn't be so much bad stuff in your diet everyday." Katie said.

"NO way will I ever eat a corn dog that is fat free, it just isn't natural." replied Carlos.

"Corn dogs by themselves aren't natural."

"Well we will just agree to disagree then."

Katie threw he hands up in the air with a cry of frustration and went to meet her friends.

I laughed at her as she walked away and noticed James pull up with Logan, but what was different was the third guy in the car.

The new guy got out of the car and I couldn't help but stare. He was gorgeous. He was tall with golden blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and very well built. Every girl in our school was staring at him, but what kept me staring was that he put his arm around Logan as they walked into school.

"Who is that," I asked Carlos while we were at our lockers in between classes.

"Who are you talking about?" he asked.

"The blonde guy with Logan." I looked over and he said something to Logan causing him to laugh. I then slammed my locker door shut and walked away.

"Hey," said Carlos as he chased after me. "Don't tell me you're jealous of that guy."

"Of course not," I said. "If Logan wants to date some stupid guy then more power too him, I couldn't care less."

I turned and left Carols standing there.

"Kendall," He screamed. "Class isn't that way."

"I know, I'm skipping the rest of the day." And with that I walked out the door and started the walk to my house.

* * *

><p>It was eight o'clock at night and it was raining outside. I had heard Katie come in from school a few hours ago, but she left me alone. Carlos probably told her what had happened. I just couldn't believe that he already had another boyfriend and that he came to school with him. This was driving me mad, why couldn't I get over him the way he got over me.<p>

There was a knock on my door and a second later Katie came in with her laptop. I was looking out the window and didn't acknowledge her presence.

"Strange isn't it." I said. "Its December, but it is raining out. Maybe global warming is taking effect?"

"I really don't care about the weather Kendall, I care that you are in here alone and hurting." she replied.

"I'm okay," I said. "Just a little sad that Logan got over me so quickly and started going out with someone else."

"Are you sure they are dating?" she asked.

"No, but why else would he come to school with him."

"I don't know, but that is why I brought this in here so we can figure out who he is and what his relationship with Logan is." she said as she placed the laptop on my desk.

She opened up the laptop and logged into her facebook account.

"I don't think facebook is going to solve my problem baby sister."

"Well we won't know until we try, so be quiet and lets look at Logan's wall."

I looked at the screen and he had a posted something about a half hour ago that said, "Thank you Scott Anderson for an amazing day, love you man."

Reading that brought out the anger and jealousy in me again.

"Click on that dick's profile so I can see who he is." I told Katie in an angry voice.

She clicked on it, but not being friends with him we could only see a little bit of it.

"Well his profile picture is of him and Logan, but that doesn't mean anything." Katie said.

"No, but that does." I said as I pointed to the screen where it said_In__a__relationship._

"Well, okay but Logan's profile didn't say he was in a relationship."

"No, but it also didn't say he was single either." I replied. " And that Scott guy has a picture of him and Logan as his profile pic. People in relationships, put pictures of them with their partners as their profile pic, right?"

"Ok Kendall, calm down you're starting to freak out."

"NO," I screamed. "I will not calm down, he can't just start dating some asshole, right after he claimed to have feelings for me, its not right, its NOT FAIR!"

I stormed out of my house and ran to carlos' house. I pounded on the front door until he answered.

"Kendall, what.. what are you doing here?"

"Let me borrow your car."

"What," he asked.

"Your car, let me borrow you fucking car." I yelled.

"Ok, ok calm down," he said handing me his keys. "Just be careful you don't look like your in the right state of mind to drive. Maybe you should just come in and we can talk about this and.."

I didn't wait for him to finish his sentence. I grabbed his keys, jumped into his car, and drove off. I pulled out my phone and called James.

"Hello," said James.

"James, where does Logan live?" I asked.

"Kendall is that you?"

"Yes, now tell me where is Logan's house."

"You okay dude, you sound a little upset." said James.

"I am fine, now will you please tell me WHERE THE FUCK LOGAN LIVES!" I screamed into the phone.

"2325 Pinecrest, but he might not be home his cous.."

I hung up on him and floored the gas pedal, I needed to talk to Logan now.

I pulled up to his house and got out of the car. By now the rain was pouring and I was soaked by the time I walked up to the front door.

I pounded on the door and waited for him to answer. After what felt like forever he finally opened the door.

"Kendall, James called me he said that you were.."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" I said.

"Excuse me," he replied.

"YOU, YOU ASSHOLE. YOU TAKE ME OUT FOR THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE AND TELL ME THAT YOU LIKE ME AND THEN NOT EVEN TWO MONTHS LATER ARE ALL OVER SOME OTHER GUY.

He looked at me dumbstruck and then I saw the anger come out of him.

"Fuck you Kendall, I throw myself at you repeatedly and you keep rejecting me saying we can't, there are consequences, people will get hurt. You think this was easy for me, seeing you day after day but never talking to you, never being able to be with you."

"You said you were over me."

"I LIED," he screamed. "I thought you wanted me to leave you alone, so I did and I told you that I was over you to make you happy, because that is what I thought you wanted."

"I don't want that, I never want you to get over me."

"So, then what Kendall you want me to be miserable and alone for the rest of my life, waiting for you to be okay with dating me? Because that isn't fair, why would you want that for me?"

"Because... because.."

"Well Kendall, well WHY?"

"BECAUSE I HAVE TO."

We both stood there for a minute, him in his house and me standing in the rain. I could feel the tears pouring down my face.

"You're miserable?" he asked.

I couldn't talk so I just nodded my head.

"Me too," he said and then grabbed me by my shirt, dragging me inside.

Once we were inside he shoved me against the wall and kissed me passionately, and I kissed him back. Our tongues battled for dominance, but his finally won out. He broke the kiss and started to attack my neck, I moaned loudly, never have I felt such pleasure in my life.

"Logan," I moaned. "More I need more."

He must of heard me because next thing I knew my shirt was being tugged over my head and thrown somewhere else in the room. He then kissed me again and ran his hand all over my chest, playing with each of my nipples as we kissed.

He took a step back and took off his own shirt. I was scared to where this was leading, I wasn't ready for sex, not yet.

"Logan," I said. "I'm not ready."

He put his finger on my lips to stop me from talking.

"Its okay, but I want to let you know I don't care what will happen to me or anyone else for that matter, I need you and only you. So, after tonight we are going to be officially dating, even if we have to keep it a secret."

"What about your new boyfriend, the blonde from school."

He laughed at this. "Scott, isn't my boyfriend, he's my cousin."

"He came to school with me because I have been so miserable lately my parents started to worry about me. Scott and I have always been close so we talked and I told him everything. He was really supportive and offered to spend the day with me, he could always cheer me up. So, I have no new boyfriend, you're the only guy I want and the only guy I want to do this too." He said this a sly smile on his face.

He then connected our lips again and then slowly worked his way down my chest leaving kisses all the way down. When he came to my pants, he unbuttoned them and pulled them along with my boxers down.

I was a little embarrassed, standing in Logan's living room naked.

"Your parents." I asked.

He looked up at me and said, "Won't be home until late."

He then grabbed my cock and started to pump. My moans echoed throughout the house, nothing could describe the feeling I got when Logan's mouth surrounded my member. My hands found there way to Logan's hair and he bobbed his head up and down my shaft.

"Oh God Logan, I'm so close."

A minute later I screamed Logan's name as I came into his mouth. He stood up and had a big smile on his face as he leaned in to kiss me.

"Wow," he said, "There was a lot."

"Yeah,"I said feeling my cheeks getting red.

"Its been a long time since I, you know."

He smiled at me and kissed my cheek. "You should blush more often, you look really cute when you do."

I smiled at him I then pulled him over to the couch and shoved him down on it. "Your turn," I said.

"You don't have to if you're not ready." he said.

I ignored him and unbuttoned his jeans and tugged off his pants and boxer briefs. I looked down at the naked boy and thought that nothing looked more beautiful.

"What," he said.

"Nothing, just.. you are truly beautiful."

He smiled as I got on my knees and grabbed his cock and started to stroke him.

He closed his eyes and moaned my name. I then slowly lowered my head and took the tip of his cock into my mouth. I used my tongue to play with his slit, which drove him crazy. I then took his whole member into my mouth and bobbed up and down, loving the taste of him and the way his hands were pulling at my hair.

A few minutes later, Logan screamed my name as he filled my mouth with his cum. I swallowed everything he gave me and then I got up and sat next to the panting boy on the couch.

"Thanks," he said giving me a peck on the lips.

I laughed. "Anytime."

He rested his head on my shoulder as he came down from his orgasm. We sat there together on the couch for a while, just enjoying the feeling of being together.

"You know I never really got the whole, standing in the rain thing people do in movies. I mean you can't grab an umbrella to go and profess your love to someone?"

I laughed so hard that I almost fell off of the couch.

"When you're going to profess your love for someone your not thinking with you head?"

"What else do you think with? he asked.

I just laughed at him and kissed him again.

After a few moments he asked, "What does this mean?"

"Well, I can't fight the way I feel about you anymore, but you have to understand that if we are to get together, that absolutely no one can know about it."

"Really, you want to be with me."

I smiled at him, "More than anything else in the world."

He then stood up and said, with a big smile on his face, "Ok, but you have to ask me out properly."

I grabbed his hands and he pulled me up. I looked into those gorgeous chocolate eyes and knew I was making the right choice for once.

"Logan MItchell, will you do the honor of being my boyfriend?"

"Yes, Kendall Knight I would love to be your boyfriend."

* * *

><p><strong>I hope that didn't suck too much. Anyway please review I love to hear from you guys. I will try to update as soon as possible, but until then I hope everyone has a great holiday.<strong>


	7. Stories

**Sorry for the long wait, I wanted to get this up on New Year, but I've been sick. Promise the next chapter will be up soon. Anyway enjoy the story and please review, I love to read them.**

* * *

><p>Logan's P.O.V<p>

Kendall was sleeping next to me on my bed. I was watching him sleep and thinking that nothing else in the world could be more beautiful. I wanted to wake him up and continued the make out session from earlier, but I knew between school, hockey, work, and taking care of his sister, that he needed rest when he could get it.

We have been dating for about a month now and things have been going great. We don't get a lot of time together, because of his schedule and that he doesn't want to let my parents know we are dating. The only people who know are James, Camille, Carlos, and Katie. He will only come over when my parents aren't home, which isn't very often, and he refuses to let me come over to his house. Then there is the biggest problem of our relationship, his dad.

He won't tell me anything about him, only that if he ever found out that the relationship will be over and that I'll probably never see him again. I worry about him, living with someone like that, I don't know what I would do if something happened to him. I know its only been a month, but I already feel myself falling in love with him.

He started to move, I saw him open those beautiful eyes and smile at me. He then realized that he had fallen asleep and bolted up, another rule of his was that he couldn't be here after nine.

"What time is it," he asked.

I tried to push him back down, but he was too strong for me.

"It is only seven thirty. Now lie back down with me." I said.

"Seven thirty, how long was I asleep for?"

"A couple of hours, I was going to wake you but you look too cute when you sleep."

He smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the lips.

"Where are your parents, they don't know I'm here do they?"

"No, Mr. paranoid, they are out shopping for their New Year's Eve party tomorrow. I really want you to come tomorrow, we can spend the holiday together, since I was in Florida over Christmas." I said.

"You know I can't, I have to work." he said.

"True, but you get off at eight and you come over after."

"How do you know I get off at eight?" he asked.

"I don't reveal my sources." I said with a smile.

"Damn it, I knew giving Katie your number was going to come back to bite me in the ass." he said.

"So you will come?"

"I don't know Logan, I don't think its a good idea, I mean won't it be weird me being with you at a party on New Year's Eve?" he asked.

"No, I told you my parents let me have friends over. Usually, its just James and Camille, but since James started dating Jo I invited her too and I can tell my parents I want you to come too."

"Won't they be suspicious, they thought you liked me that night at my work, right?"

"Yes, but I told them you were straight and had a girlfriend, so I will only be inviting you as a friend." I said.

He laughed at that, "They really believe that you are only inviting me as a friend?"

"Well, they will probably believe it's a last ditch effort to turn you to my team, but they really do believe that you're straight. You can bring Carlos along too, to help prove I only invited you as a friend"

I watched him contemplate my offer. I really wanted him to say yes, even if we couldn't be a couple that night, at least we would be together

"Ok," he said.

"Awesome, so you can come over right after work and you and Carlos can spend the night here if you want. James will spending the night, so my parents won't be suspicious that you will be staying too." I said.

"I'll come over, and stay the night, but there will be absolutely no funny business between the two of us."

"When you say no 'funny business' does that include a kiss at midnight?"

"Yes that includes the midnight kiss." he said.

"Why, we'll do it in private in my room. No one will know, I promise."

"I can't take that risk Logan, not with a house full of drunk people who could walk in at any moment and see us."

"JESUS." I said as I threw my arms up and took a few steps away from him.

"Do you even want to be in a relationship with me, because we barely see each other and when we do its usually short because you're so scared someone will see us together."

" I told you when we started this that we had to keep it a secret from everyone." he said.

"I know and we are, but even when were alone you don't want to be together long, because you think someone will get suspicious."

I sighed and sat down on the chair at my desk.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Its just that I know what will happen if my dad finds out about us and it scares me so much. I don't want to put you through the pain that he will cause. I do want you to know that when I am with you, however short it is, is the best part of my day. I can relax around you Logan, I don't even remember the last time I took a nap, but look I'm here for an hour and I'm sound asleep."

He then got up off my bed and knelt down in front of me and took my hand in his.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't regret starting this relationship and I promise to try and calm the paranoid thing down a little bit."

I looked into those green eyes and knew I couldn't be mad at him anymore.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I'll try to be more understanding about you situation with your dad."

He smiled and said, " And we only have a few more months once we are in college we can be much more open about our relationship."

I felt my stomach flutter when he was talking. He had thought about our future and he saw that we are still together, he truly wants me in his life. I then shot out of my chair, knocking him over and started to kiss him hard on the lips.

He broke the kiss and looked at me and said, "As much as I would like to continue this, I have to go."

I was reluctant to get up, but him being bigger and stronger than me, I didn't have much of a choice. He got up and put his jacket on and I walked him to the front door.

I gave him a quick peck on the lips before he opened the door.

"Don't forget that we still have to give each other our christmas gifts. Can we do it tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yes, your gift should arrive some time tomorrow morning, so if it okay with you we will need to get five minutes alone to exchange." I said

"I think I will allow that," he said with a grin on his face.

I opened the door and shoved him outside. He laughed and got into Carlos' car, which he let him borrow, and drove off. I leaned against the doorframe and thought that tomorrow was going to be perfect.

* * *

><p>Kendall's P.O.V<p>

I was standing in front of Logan's front door, looking at a big Happy New Year's sign and building up the courage to ring the doorbell.

"How long are we going to stand here, because in case you haven't noticed it's freezing cold out here." said Carlos.

"I'm just a little nervous, this is the first time I will be around Logan's parents since we started dating." I said.

Carlos nodded, "I get that, but his parents would be cool with it if they did find out."

"I know, but I'm just afraid that if too many people find out then my dad will learn of us and then I'll have to leave Logan for his own safety."

Carols was about to say something when the front door swung open reveling Logan standing there with a big smile on his face.

"Hey," he said. "What are you guys doing out in the cold? Come on in."

I walked into the house and took a look around. There were lots of other guests there, most likely friends of his parents and then I saw James, Camille, and Jo standing in the kitchen. I gave them a smile and a wave and they gave me one back.

"So my parents want to say hi and then you can take yours and Carlos' overnight bags and put them in my room. I thought then we could exchange our presents since its the only time we will be alone together." Logan whispered to me.

"Sure, lead the way."

He lead me and Carols through his house in search of his parents. We spotted them in the living room talking with some people.

"Kendall," Mrs. Mitchell said as she gave me a big hug. "I'm glad you could come and this must be your friend Carlos."

"Yep that's me, and thank you again for letting me stay here tonight." Carlos said.

"Its not a problem we're happy Logan has made some new friends." said Mr. Mitchell as he shook mine and Carols' hand.

"Now boys, we don't allow Logan's friends to drink here. We will allow a sip of champagne at midnight. I hope you will follow this otherwise I'll call your parents and have them come get you. Do we understand each other." Mr. Mitchell said sternly.

Me and Carlos both nodded. He then got a smile back on his face and said, "Good now go and have a good time."

"Come on Kendall, I'll show you where you can go and put yours and Carlos' bags" said Logan as he grabbed my hand about led me to the steps.

I yanked my hand out of his and looked around to see if I anyone was staring, luckily no one noticed.

He had a look of hurt in his eyes for a second, but it quickly disappeared and he turned to Carlos and said, "Everyone should be in the kitchen, Kendall and I will meet you there in a couple of minutes."

He then grabbed Carlos' bag and I grabbed mine and we headed upstairs to his room.

Once we were in the room I closed the door and looked at him.

"I'm sorry about the hand thing, I didn't mean to upset you I just got scared."

"Its fine, I did it without thinking." he said

I chuckled, "since when do you do anything without thinking."

"Since I met you."

I felt my cheeks getting red. I opened my bag and got out his present.

"Here, Merry Christmas Logan."

He smiled and opened up his dresser and pulled out my present and handed it to me.

I unwrapped it, opened the box, and saw what he had given me. It was blank book of music sheets. A simple gift, but I loved it because it showed that he actually knows me and put thought into it.

I felt tears coming and I looked up and Logan was looking at his present. I had gotten him a book called '1,000 strange diseases' and he looked lost in thought. He has done this a few times since we started dating and I knew only one sure fire way of snapping him out of it.

I walked up to him and kissed him on the lips. I worked, he snapped right out of his head and leaned into the kiss. It was a short kiss, but very sweet.

"Thanks," I said. "I love it."

"Me too, I can't wait to start reading."

I rolled my eyes. "Why did I have to fall for such a nerd."

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders, "Just lucky I guess"

I laughed, "We should probably get back downstairs and join the party."

"I guess, or we could stay here and have our own party." he said as he put his arms on my shoulders and leaned in for a kiss.

"Funny, but no." I said as I kissed him.

"Fine, lets go and have a great time with our friends." he said sarcastically.

All I could do was laugh at him and follow him back downstairs to meet our friends.

* * *

><p>"Five, Four, Three," everyone was yelling as they watched the ball drop.<p>

I looked at Logan. He was watching the t.v. like everyone else, but I knew that he would rather be kissing me at midnight. I felt horrible that we couldn't and that it was all my fault that we wouldn't kiss.

"Two, One, HAPPY NEW YEAR," everyone was cheering. I was Logan's parents get each other a kiss and then hug Logan. Carlos came up to me and gave me a big hug.

Logan was next to give me a hug. As he was hugging me he whispered, "Don't worry about the kiss, there is always next year."

He pulled away and gave me a smile. He then left looking for Camille and James.

"Next year," I thought. I wasn't the only one who planned on this relationship lasting awhil. Logan still plans on being together for next year. I couldn't help, but stand there in the middle of his living room surrounded by people cheering with a big ass smile plastered on my face.

* * *

><p>Everyone had left, Jo and Camille went home after midnight and Logan's parents had went to bed. It was the four of us sleeping on Logan's family room floor.<p>

It was about 2am when I heard Logan say, "Are you still awake."

"Yeah, can't sleep"

"Is something bothering you?" he asked.

"No, just thinking."

"About what?"

"My mom." I said.

"What about her?" he asked.

"Just something she used to say. She would always say life is about changes. Very few things every stay the same, so enjoy life's moments cause you never know what changes are coming around the corner."

"Smart lady."

"Yeah she was the best."

"Do you mind telling me about her?"

I sat up and looked to see that James and Carols were sound asleep.

"Yeah, I'd love to talk about my mom with someone." I said.

"Great because I'd love to hear it."

"Where to start, ok well she was a morning person like me. We would always get up together, talk, and make breakfast. I remember she was funny, I was always laughing when I was with her and she could cook, nothing could beat my mom's breakfast. She is where I got my love of music from, she always had the radio on or was humming a tune or sining some old song she loved."

"It was her side of the family that the whole K thing started from too."

"What K thing?" he asked.

"Didn't you notice that both me and Katie's name start with K, as well as our last name."

"Yeah, I just thought it was a coincidence." he said.

"Nope, family tradition. My mom's name was Kathy, her parents were Kent and Katrina. So when she met my dad, Kyle Knight, she said it was as if fate destined them to be together."

"Awww, that's kind of sweet," he said.

"Yeah I thought so too, until she died and he became what he is now."

"Still, at least she was happy before she passed." he said.

"True, I just wish I had something of hers to remember her by."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, after she died my dad became really depressed. He stopped going to work and taking care of me and Katie. He would sell her things in order to get some money. He sold her clothes and jewelry, but worst of all he sold our family necklace."

"What was the family necklace?" he asked.

I smiled, "Promise not to laugh, buy is was a gold K on a chain. It was my great grandfathers. When he died he gave it to his only son Kent, my grandfather, and when Kent died he had only had only one child, my mom, so he gave it to her. I remember her wearing it all the time and her telling me one day it would be mine."

"And your dad sold it even though it meant that much to you"

"I remember not accepting that she was dead. I convince myself that she had left for a while and would come back. So I left the necklace in her bedroom and would check every morning to see if it was gone, cause if it was gone that meant she had come back. Well, one day I got up and the necklace was gone. I was so excited. I thought my mommy was back, so I ran down stairs and looked for her. I saw my dad on the couch and asked where mom was. You know what he said."

Logan just shook his head.

"He said, 'She's dead and never coming back. I sold that necklace so you can stop hoping that she will come back, cause she isn't.' I ran back up to my room and cried for what felt like forever, but then I remembered something my mom told me once."

"What was it?" asked Logan.

"It was when my pet hamster died and I was crying for a couple of days. My mom came in my room and held me and said ' My son, its okay to feel sad at the death of something you love but never let it consume you because it will not only destroy your life, but the lives of those around you. So sometimes that means having to get up and return to your normal life, no matter how hard it may be.'"

"Wow, I really wish I could have met your mom."

"Yeah me too. After that I started to take care of Katie and met Carlos and started to live my life, like my mom would have wanted me to. My dad figured out that he could drown his sorrows in booze and work, so he did."

"He never got back to any sense of normal."

"He is okay with Katie, but doesn't want much to do with me. I think I remind him too much of my mom. He can get scary though when he drinks a lot, but most of the time I can handle it. There are some times when he affects my life, like tonight at midnight when the only thing I wanted to do is kiss you and because of him I couldn't."

"Hey," he said. "Don't you dare feel bad about that, okay."

He got up and knelt down next to me. "I would rather have you here and not be able to kiss you, then not have you at all."

The clock then chimed three o'clock.

"We should probably get some sleep." I said.

"Actually, since its exactly three in the morning here, that could mean in some other time zone it just became the new year." he said.

"Now, I remember why I fell for a nerd and I leaned forward and gave him a kiss."

"Happy New Year my Logan"

"Happy New Year my Kendall"


	8. Discoveries

I was driving to school, in my new car. My parents had surprised me this morning with it as a birthday present. Today was my eighteenth birthday and I was so excited. My life had never been better, I was dating Kendall and I had received an acceptance letter to Columbia over the weekend, which means Kendall and I will be attending college together in New York.

I pulled up to school, parked, and got out. James came running over with a look of amazement on his face.

"DUDE, where..how...what?"

I laughed. "My parents surprised me this morning, isn't it amazing?"

"Yeah, a brand new 2012 Dodge charger, amazing doesn't even begin to describe it." he said.

We continued to talk about my car as we walked into school.

"So, are Camille and I still meeting you and your parents for dinner tonight?" James asked.

"Yeah, if you guys still want to come. We made reservations at seven, if you want I'll pick you up and take you for a ride in the new car."

"Hell yeah, but um what about you know who. Is he not coming?" he asked.

"I don't know what he is doing. I mentioned it to him a couple of times, but he kept avoiding the subject. I think that he thinks going out to dinner with me on my birthday will give away the fact that we are dating to my parents."

"I thought he agreed to calm down on the paranoid thing."

"He has, but there are still some things that he won't do." I said.

"Well I think.." I didn't get to hear what James said, because I felt myself being pulled.

Next thing I knew I was in an empty classroom. I heard the door close behind me and I turned around to see a pair of green eyes looking at me.

I smiled, "You scared my half to death, Kendall."

"Sorry, but I wanted to talk to you before school began and James won't leave you alone, so I had to improvise something." he said.

"All you had to do was ask to speak to me, you didn't have to go through all of these theatrics."

"I know, but I thought it would be more fun this way." he said with a smile.

"Well," I said as I put my arms on his shoulders and moved closer to him. "What was so important that you had to go through all of this."

He smiled, "I think you know."

"Yeah, but I want to hear you say it."

He gave me a big goofy smile and said, "Happy Birthday, my Logan." he then leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss.

"I have some good news." I said.

"And what would that be?"

"I got my acceptance letter to Columbia over the weekend, so that means we'll be going to the same city for college." I said.

His smile faded and he took my arms off his shoulders and then turned around.

"Hey," I said, "Whats wrong I thought you would be happy that we will both be going to New York."

"I will be excited, if I get to go to New York with you." he said.

"What are you talking about, you got your acceptance letter last week. You said you've wanted to go to Juillard for forever, why would you all of a sudden change your mind?"

"Its not that I don't want to go, its that some people may not let me go."

Some people, I've learned that when Kendall says 'some people' he always means his dad. He won't tell me what his dad is like, and neither will Katie. No matter how much I try he won't budge on the subject, and it frustrates me to no end. Most of all though, deep down, it scares me. Not because of what will happen to me, but Kendall. It may be weird, because I've only known him for a few months, but the idea of anything hurting him scares me to death.

I grabbed him, turned him around, and lifted his head so are eyes locked.

"No matter the consequences, I swear to God that you will go to Juillard. Even if that means dealing with your big scary father, and dragging you out of that house and all the way to New York. YOU ARE GOING!"

He looked at me with this great intensity, and said, "You really mean that don't you. You would face my father and drag me to New York if need be."

I brushed his hair out of his eyes with my finger and said, "I would do anything for you, my Kendall."

He then crashed our lips together, and this was unlike the one we just shared which was sweet and loving. This kiss was full of passion and desire.

He deepened the kiss and I allowed his tongue access to my mouth. I moaned as I felt him exploring every crevice of my mouth. I closed my eyes and we just got lost in each other. We moved so that my back was against the wall, never breaking the kiss. My hands and his hands were exploring every inch of our bodies. I was in heaven, felling Kendall's hands all over me, I thought, "I could do this forever." Suddenly the warmth was gone.I opened my eyes to see Kendall panting and James next to me.

"Um, whats up buddy, I was kind of in the middle of something." I said between breaths.

"Obviously," James muttered, "But the warning bell just rang, so I came in to tell you guys and instead saw something, that I hope one day to erase from my memory."

"You could have just said something, you didn't have to pull me off of him." said Kendall.

"Yeah, James we were just making out." I said.

James laughed. "I tried to say something, three times actually, but you guys didn't hear me. I even poked you Logan and you just ignored me. Also, I have had my fair share of make out sessions and that wasn't just a normal one, if I hadn't pulled Kendall off you, you two probably would of done it right here, right now."

"Don't be so dramatic James." I said.

"Dramatic, Logan look at you two." James said.

For the first time since James pulled him off of me, I really looked at Kendall. His flannel button down shirt was completely unbuttoned, leaving his whole chest exposed. "When the hell did I do that?" I thought.

I then looked at my self and gasped. My shirt was untucked and my belt undone as well as my pants button. James was right we probably would have done it, which is really weird since we haven't taken that step yet.

"Give us a minute James." I said.

"Ok, but you're going to be late for class." James responded.

"I really don't care at the moment about being late to class."

"Wow, doing it in an empty classroom and being late to class. I think I like Kendall's Logan a little bit more everyday." James said as he left us alone.

We stood there awkwardly as we got ourselves presentable. "Sorry," I mumbled.

He chuckled, "Sorry, I'm the one who started the kiss. I should be the one who should be saying sorry."

"Yeah, well I could of stopped"

"Really, because you seemed quite into it, I don't think anything would of stopped you." he said.

"I can control myself" I responded.

He then got a serious face on and walked up to me. Hovered his lips over mine and said in a very seductive voice, "For some reason I don't believe that you can control yourself."

Damn it he was right, I as the heat come back to my body and I lunged forward and pushed our lips together again.

He broke the kiss and said, "Told you so."

He went to open the door, but I grabbed his hand and said, "Please come tonight, I would make me so happy for you to celebrate my birthday with me."

"Logan I.."

"Take a risk Kendall, if not for you then for me, please"

He stood there for a minute, opened the door, walked out into the hallway, but at the last second turned around and said, "I'll see you at your house at six."

I watched him walk down the hall with the biggest smile I have ever smiled.

* * *

><p>Kendall's P.O.V<p>

I stood outside Logan's door with my present in hand. I was extremely nervous, not only because I had a sneaking suspicion that Logan's parents were going to find out about us, the boy has no self control, but because of what happened earlier today. I have never gone that far with someone before and I wanted to go that far with him. Which brings us back to the nerves again.

I was nervous because of what I knew was going to happen. I never felt these strong of feelings before, not even with Jeremy, I can see myself with him for a long time. I knew that eventually I would have to break up with him, to save him from my father. It would break me beyond repair, but to save him it was worth it. Truthfully, I never should of gave into my emotions, but I guess I'm just not strong enough. Maybe I'm a masochist or the stupidest guy on Earth, probably both. Just then the door open to the smiling face of my Logan.

"Hey, what are you doing out here in the cold?" he said.

"Just thinking," I said.

"Is that for me?" he asked pointing towards the present.

"Yeah, Happy Birthday." I handed him the gift.

"I told you that you didn't have to get me anything, you work too hard for your money to waste it on me."

"Hey," I said, "Nothing that has to do with you is a waste."

He smiled and let me inside. We walked into the kitchen and I sat down at the table.

"Where are your parents?" I asked.

"Getting ready upstairs, they will be down in a minute and we will go to the restaurant. Until then we could do something to pass the time." he said.

He closed the space between us. I immediately got up and backed away from him.

"Logan we can't your parents could come down any moment." I said.

He pouted and said, "Fine, then can I at least open your present or will that alert the whole world about our relationship as well?"

I knew he was a little upset, but I hoped his present would cheer him up. I really don't like it when he is mad at me. He opened the present and got a dorky smile on his face.

"Kendall, I love it" he said as he pulled out the dark red sweater vest I got him.

"Well, I was thinking what do you get a hot nerd that looks good in red and it just hit me."

"Well, thank you I can't wait to wear it." he said.

His parents came down soon after and we headed off to the restaurant. It was a nice Italian place and we were all having a great time.

"So, Kendall what are your plans for after high school?" Mr. Mitchell asked me.

"Well, I'm not really sure, you know..

"He's going to Juillard in New York." Logan chimed in

"Wow," said Mrs. Mitchell. "Juillard you must be very talented, what exactly do you do?"

"Well, ..." I said.

"Oh, mom he can play guitar and he writes his own songs. He can sing really good too, but he thinks he can't. I'm trying to get him to believe me."

I was avoiding eye contact with the Mitchell's, because I could feel myself blushing. Logan kept going on and on about me, and not in a friendly way, but a loving way. If he kept this up are cover was going to be blown for sure.

"Well then Kendall maybe we could hear you play sometime." said Mrs. Mitchell.

"Oh no mom, he won't let anyone hear him play. The only people who have heard him are his sister, Carlos, and the people from Juillard, I haven't even heard him play. The only time I heard him sing was when we sent to the hockey game in Minneapolis." Logan said.

I shot James and Camille a look of desperation, and they must of got the hint because the changed the conversation topic. The rest of the dinner went by without a problem. We dropped Camille off at home and headed back to the Mitchell's, me and James were spending the night.

The three of us were in Logan's basement, watching a movie, and me and Logan were snuggling together.

"I still think that if your significant other can stay the night here, I don't understand why Jo can't stay too." James whined.

"Simple, because this is my house and Kendall is my boyfriend. Second, my parents don't know about us so we can get away with it. Third, Jo has a girl ad they are just gross."

I laughed at his last point, "I have to agree with you there sweetie, girls are just gross." I then leaned over and gave him a kiss.

"Yeah, cause guys are so great" I heard James mumble.

The movie ended and we were getting ready for bed. "James," I yelled while banging on the bathroom door. "I have to brush my teeth, what are you doing in there?"

"Getting ready for bed." he said.

"How long does that take?" I said.

"It takes time to look good." he responded.

"Look good, you will be sleeping who cares what you look like no one will see you."

"I can't go to sleep without looking good."

I sighed and headed to the bathroom upstairs. "And I thought we were the ones who were gay." I said as I walked up the stairs, hearing Logan howl with laughter.

I finished brushing my teeth and was walking out of the bathroom when Mrs. Mitchell came around the corner.

I jumped, "sorry you scared me."

She smiled, "You make him very happy, happier than I have ever seen him."

"What do you mean?" I felt my heart start to race and my palms get sweaty.

"I know about you and Logan, I figured it out on New Years Eve. I could tell something was different with him, but I wasn't sure what. When he brought you to the party though, the light in his eyes when he introduced us, I just knew."

I was full panic mode, I didn't know what to say and all that I could think of was her not agreeing with Logan dating me.

"Please don't hate me." I whispered.

"Hate you, oh God no I don't hate you. We know Logan is gay and we fully accept him and now I guess you too. Like I said you make him happier than I have ever seen him. Since you he lives outside of his head, something I have been trying to get him to do or years. You're good for him."

"You have to keep it a secret, no one else can know. Does Mr. Mitchell know."

"Yes, we have discussed it, but why keep it a secret. I know its a scary world out there, but you will always have our full support."

I smiled, why couldn't I have parents like these.

"My dad can't find out about us, ever."

"Why," she asked with a little bit of fear in her voice. "What will happen."

"Something bad,"

"Should I be worried about Logan?"

"No," I said grabbing her hands and looking her in the eyes. " I promise you nothing bad will happen to Logan as long as I am alive."

She looked at my weird and said, "Wow you really do love him don't you."

Love, I never said that I loved Logan, where did she get that idea from?

"Ok, I trust you, now go to bed its late." she said.

I went back downstairs and snuggled up against Logan.

"What took you so long?" he asked sleepily.

"Um, just checking in on Katie."

"You're such a good brother." he said. With that the two of us drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>Mrs. Mitchell's P.O.V<p>

It was the morning after my talk with Kendall and what he said about his dad really scared me. Just then I heard my cell ringing, I looked at he caller Id and answered.

"Hey little brother, so what did you find out."

"Well he said, first off just cause I am a cop doesn't mean that I can look up anyone for you whenever you want."

"Yes, it does. Now get to the point."

"Fine, first off his whole name is Kyle Knight and he has been arrested twice. Once for drunk and disorderly and once for drunk driving."

"What happened with all of that." I asked.

"Not much a little community service, he must have some powerful friends."

Ok, I thought he is a bit of an alcoholic, we can deal with that."

"Ok, thanks bro.."

"Wait there is one more thing, you might want to hear about. A couple of years ago he was questioned a few times regarding the death of a kid named Jeremy Johnson. Apparently Jeremy was seen leaving the Knight home extremely upset and then got in his car and drove off. A few blocks later he ran a red light and was hit my a truck and died instantly."

"How horrible, but that sounds like his death was an accident, why was he questioned so many times?" I asked.

"Because even though there were two different witnesses that said they saw Jeremy storm out of the Knight house, Kyle insisted that he was never there. The police thought that was suspicious, so they kept digging, but ended up with nothing."

"Thats it they just stopped looking, even though they knew he was lying."

"Yeah, I thought that was odd too so I talked to the detective in charge of the case. He said they stopped looking because the death was clearly an accident and Kyle wasn't budging on his story. He did say one thing though, that something happened in that house. He wasn't sure what but with the way the dad and his kid, Kendall, acted, like they were hiding something. Sis, I don't know why you want to know about this guy, but he is bad news. No matter what he says, Jeremy was in that house and somehing happened to him something..."

"Bad" I said.

"Exactly and the only people who know are Kyle and Kendall."


End file.
